I am about to say something that many might consider blasphemous — I don’t think couples should live together. Now, before you cast me as some pro-marriage, uber-conservative who has been reading one too many National Marriage Project (NMP) studies, be assured I am not. At the risk of sounding somewhat Orwellian, let me clarify: Living together is OK for some couples and not for others. Don’t want to be parents? If there are no kids to deal with, planned or still at home, please — move in and out with whomever you want as often as you want. It’s also OK for same-sex couples; until other states wise up and follow the lead of Vermont and Massachusetts and allow same-sex marriages, we haven’t given gays and lesbians much of a choice, have we? It works for people like me, too. As a divorced middle-aged woman who is about to be an empty-nester, shacking up — with someone respected and accepted as part of the family — works. Finally, cohabiting is fine if you’ve put a ring on it — an engagement ring, that is — or have a wedding date in mind or have been talking marriage (to each other, obviously). Or, if you don’t “need a piece of paper to prove your love,” you at least know that you’re committed to each other. But if you are a young adult who thinks you might want to have kids one day and maybe even get married but you aren’t sure that your current sweetie’s The One, please don’t move in with him or her. I can hear the grumbling; “How will I know if we’re compatible or not if we don’t live together?” Easy — you know because you’ve spent enough time together as a couple. If you really don’t know if you can live with his smelly socks in the hallway or her panties hanging in the bathroom, then you either haven’t known each other long enough or you haven’t been paying attention. In either case, you’re just not ready to marry. Please, date some more. Couples rarely split up over socks and underwear; they split because of affairs, alcohol, addictions and abuse. They split because their expectations of marriage differ. And they split because they never should have been together in the first place — probably because they moved in together to see if they could live with the socks and panties while they were ignoring other, much bigger issues. So what’s so wrong with living with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Let’s forget the studies pointing out the booze (cohabitors drink more), weight (they’re heavier) and happiness (they’re not quite as happy as married couples but they aren’t more miserable, either), because those aren’t the issues. Nor are the results of the latest NMP study, “Why Marriage Matters,” which predicts doom and gloom for the children of cohabiting couples. The NMP has an agenda; it wants to promote marriage. Still, even a recent and presumably agenda-less Pew Study finds similar results, at least when it comes to cohabiting couples’ economic well-being; they’re poorer, and that puts stress on a relationship. A lot of stress. As a society, we need to pay attention because there are 12 times as many cohabiting couples today as there were in the 1970s. The real problem with cohabiting is that many couples who enter into it don’t give it a lot of thought; it’s one of those “just kind of happened” things. You like him, he likes you and a few months later you’re jamming your stuff into his closets. And those are the couples who, if they end up “sliding into marriage,” as research professor and co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver Scott Stanley would call it, are more likely to divorce at some point. Commitment is a decision. And if cohabitation is being offered as a replacement to marriage — as the Alternatives to Marriage Project and many sociologists and family psychologists see it — then a little more thought about it needs to happen, especially if you know you want to have kids one day. For Linda Lea Viken, head of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, that would mean a cohabitation agreement. Even if a couple doesn’t end up signing one, at least they’ve been thinking about things like property, spending, saving and — this is a big one — expectations. If you can have unrealistic expectations in a marriage, you can have them living together, too. Sure, it may seem crazy to see an attorney at the start of a loving relationship, but as anyone who’s been divorced knows love has nothing to do with a breakup; it’s all about who gets what and how much. And, since many couples say they moved in together for economic reasons, money is obviously a huge part of cohabitation. It’s best to be honest about that from the start. Married or not, a breakup is rarely pretty, and 40 percent of cohabiting hetero couples split within five years. Viken and the AAML are seeing an increase in ugly court battles between cohabiting couples; the law just doesn’t protect them the way a marriage license does. Women tend to suffer more economically after a cohabiting split. And if you have a kid together, well, all you have to do is follow the legal tussles between Halle Barry and baby daddy Gabriel Aubry to know that you don’t have to be married to have the same messy, expensive custody drama when you break up. Getting back to those expectations, Viken and others point out that when couples decide to marry, their goals are often the same — buy a house, start a family, etc. That isn’t always the case for people moving in together, but those who do have a better chance of making it. Even if a couple hasn’t talked about commitment, many women assume a marriage proposal will come after a certain amount of time of living together. Men, however, hold the power in deciding whether to marry or not. And while many do propose, there aren’t a lot of compelling reasons if they’re already cohabiting; since cohabitation is typically more gender egalitarian than marriage, men don’t have to be the breadwinner — more cohabiting women have jobs than their partners — and he still has someone to clean the house and his clothes (yes, cohabiting women tend to do more of that than the guys). It seems like a pretty sweet deal — for a guy. Of course, none of this matters if we’re talking about two child-free adults who live together and then split. It’s just a heck of a lot worse if there are kids involved — his kids, her kids, their kids. According to the ATMP, 40 percent of the first babies of single mothers are actually born to cohabiting couples. And some 42 percent of kids will have lived in a cohabiting household before they turn 12 years old. Still, no one’s pushing for marriage (well, except the NMP), but it you want to live with someone happily and for the long haul you really do need to be committed, especially if you have or want kids. “To me, the biggest issue is commitment not marriage,” says psychologist Joshua Coleman, co-chair of the Council on Contemporary Families. “A lot of people are opting not to marry, but I wonder what is the context in which you have a child.” For our most famously cohabiting couple, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, the context seems clear. As Jolie said when asked if she and Pitt will grow old together, “Of course; we wouldn’t have six children if we weren’t absolutely sure of that.” No one can ever definitively know if a relationship will last, whether married or not. But making a conscious decision to start off that way sure helps.
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Julie Keeley Let’s Play Vexx: Part 1 – V for Vendetta V for Vendetta Jenkins_Kim says: Brazilians Protesting Political Corruption Don ‘ V for Vendetta ‘ Guy Fawkes Masks http://t.co/S5ydyTdJ
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Type: TV Series Episode Video on Demand Title: Project Mercury: Ordinary Supermen See all customer reviews See the details
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Before there was a 3DS and DS — heck, before there was a Game Boy , there was Game & Watch , Nintendo’s portable, sometimes dual-screened gaming line from the ’80s. But while the gaming giant has long since moved on, nostalgia for their platform-based frustration lives on in the form of this large piece of interactive wall art, a case that uses an Arduino and Python script to bring folks with a little spare time the sort of retro gaming that will make them long from the graphical power of the original NES. Check out more images of the device in the Source link below. Giant wall console lets you Game & Watch while you wait originally appeared on Engadget on Sat, 24 Sep 2011 10:44:00 EDT. Please see our terms for use of feeds . Permalink
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A vendre – maison – PECHBONNIEU (31140) – 5 pièces – 135m² Vente maison 6 pièces, Avignon A vendre – appartement – COLOMBES (92700) – 3 pièces – 65m² great_shopping says: De La Salle miscues lead to 30-6 loss in Florida – http://t.co/xHjABTrF Friday Night in front of a p… http://t.co/jXgNJn1G
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Audrina Patridge Burglar CONVICTED!!.video LauraBrito says: Bling-Seeking Audrina Patridge Burglar Cops a Plea http://t.co/bPhSQlxc
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Le POOL UARS-S51 !! – Où tombera le satellite UARS ? – www.secteur51.ca.wmv uars absturz UPDATE 1- UARS NASA Satellite breaks up in plunge to Earth MadeleineReeed says: RT @ NASA : We can now confirm that # UARS is down! Debris fell to Earth between 11:23 p.m. EDT Friday, Sept. 23, and 1:09 a.m. EDT Sept. 24.
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Type: Baby Product Title: Lambs and Ivy Enchanted Forest Plush Owl, Green See all customer reviews Product Description: Enchanted Forest Plush Toy Owl Features: Owl is plush Owl sits on a unique treetop lamp Wise and adorable owl Comes with a wise owl, busy beaver, loveable deer Whimsical collection See the details
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All My Children Ends 40-Season Run Today – The Hollywood Gossip Kltv Abc Channel 7 News – All My Children ends its 41 year run with a cliffhanger ‘All My Children’ off the air littledwarv says: #news ‘ All My Children ‘ ends 41-year run: ABC’s long-running soap opera ” All My Children ” aired it… http://t.co/rEvcL2mf #latestnews
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• Email scott.murray@guardian.co.uk with all your musings • Click here for all the latest scores from around Europe • All the stats and tables you need are here 3.20pm: Wolves aren’t offering very much in the wake of Liverpool’s goal. A bit more on that: Johnson really guided his header quite adroitly into the bottom right corner. It was exquisitely placed, a real freak scene. “So Adam didn’t have to play in the Carling Cup and doesn’t miss a league game either?” realises Dominic Wright. “Win–win! Basically you get a free red the game before any CC fixture. Got to be careful to make it a one gamer though. Adam would have seen straight red for his challenge on Parker and been three games out had he not craftily been yellowed earlier in the game. You have to admit he’s an intelligent player.” 3.18pm: Andy Carroll has got a header on target! It’s easily saved by Wayne Hennessey, but small acorns and all that. “It’s midnight in eastern Australia, and I’ve just got home from my football club presentation night,” begins Martin O’Connor, who will eventually get to the point, I promise. “We have a system called ‘viewers choice’ on our Sky equivalent, through which we can watch any of the games about to kick off. This is all by the by though as What the Hell has Sandro done to his hair? For those who can’t see it, it’s a Neymar style shaved back and sides with an unruly thatch on top, but Sandro has tinted the clippered bits blue.” 3.15pm: Pajtim Kasami has just put the ball into the net for Fulham at struggling West Brom, but it won’t count, the referee’s assistant putting his flag up. “I think CLOCKO is a pretty decent monicker,” opines Phillip Wainwright. “Similar to Snicko in cricket, and that has a respected reputation. Then again, there’s always an exception.” 3.10pm: “CLOCKO™ foreign correspondent gig taken yet?” asks Phillippa Booth. Nope. It’s all yours. Come on, then, where’s your copy? “Am watching Arsenal v Bolton and within two minutes Koscielny’s nearly managed to knock himself out.” Meanwhile there’s been a goal at Anfield: Charlie Adam has cut inside from the left, unleashing a shot towards the bottom-right corner. The ball’s going wide – until Roger Johnson directed it into the net with a needless diving header. Liverpool 1-0 Wolverhampton Wanderers. 3.07pm: It’s all Spurs at the Wigan stadium. Wolves continue to make chances at Anfield. And it could easily be 1-1 at the Emirates; not sure who went close for Bolton, but Gervinho has just spurned a decent chance to put Arsenal ahead “Still think AVB will fail, though,” says Jamie Jackson. 3.03pm: An early goal for Rafael van der Vaart at the JJB, or whatever it’s called now: Wigan Athletic 0-1 Tottenham Hotspur. Meanwhile, anyone for Ceefax memories with Anthony O Connell? “I remember in the 1980s when Liverpool were winning every Saturday in the days of 3pm kick offs,” he writes. “All you had to do was press 303 to see by how much they had won. Now I’m half afraid to check the score!” Well, you should probably leave this page, then, because I categorically haven’t chanced upon an illegal feed of their game against Wolves at Anfield, but I can tell you that the away side have the upper hand in the early exchanges. 3pm: Right, it’s kick-off time! Although it’s already all over for Everton fans such as Gary Naylor: “When your team plays the lunchtime Saturday match and loses, it’s an awful long time before you can avoid watching Match of the Day.” 2.55pm: “Think you’re right about AVB’s rocks,” replies CLOCKO™ swinger correspondent Jamie Jackson. “He also seems to like a argument with anyone who gives him one. Can trip himself up, too; offer up too much; and be too defensive. Just like us all, then.” He sounds absolutely brilliant. I think I’m developing a slight crush. 2.50pm: I’ve not done Clockwatch for a while, and have just been informed that this feature is now referred to in the office as Clocko. I’m not sure whether I approve of this or not. Clocko. Whither gravitas? Clocko. It’s quite snappy, I suppose, not quite veering into the unacceptable arena of Banter. Well, if I must. So here’s more from CLOCKO™ correspondent Jamie Jackson: “David Luiz is also an intriguing one: wasn’t he supposedly Beckenbauer, Jackie Charlton and Eusabio, only with better hair than any of them? Today: dropped, again.” He’s laughably useless, though, isn’t he? Villas Boas knows exactly what he’s doing, and appears to have a massive set of rocks on him too, quite happy to get shot of the deadwood and anyone else he doesn’t like. I wonder if he’ll sell John Terry to Basingstoke Town in the January transfer window? 2.40pm: Manchester City have beaten Everton. City go top, Everton stay in seventh. Just for now, obviously. Up in northern Britain, Rangers have won 4-0 at Dunfermline: they go seven clear of Celtic at the top of the SPL, though of course Celtic have their game against Inverness Caley Thistle coming right up. Dunfermline drop a place to ninth. And confirmation, if confirmation were needed, that Frank Lampard is indeed on the bench. Oh Frank! “Frank Lampard run out with the subs and dutifully applauded the nearby fans,” reports our man Jamie Jackson from Stamford Bridge. “There may be a view that he is being rested but JT is playing.” Chelsea v Swansea: Chelsea: Cech, Bosingwa, Ivanovic, Terry, Cole, Mikel, Mata, Meireles, Ramires, Torres, Anelka. Subs: Turnbull, Luiz, Lampard, Drogba, Malouda, McEachran, Kalou. Swansea: Vorm, Rangel, Monk, Williams, Taylor, Britton, Gower, Allen, Dyer, Lita, Sinclair. Subs: Tremmel, Graham, Dobbie, Routledge, Moore, Bessone, Richards. Referee: Mike Dean (Wirral) 2.35pm: James Milner has scored for City against Everton. That’s 2-0 with a couple of minutes to go, and game over. They’ll go top of the table for nearly five hours at the very least, with Manchester United playing Stoke City at 5.30pm this evening. Meanwhile look at what we have here! It’s more Premier League team news… Arsenal v Bolton Wanderers: Arsenal: Szczesny, Sagna, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Gibbs, Arteta, Song, Ramsey, Gervinho, van Persie, Walcott. Subs: Fabianski, Rosicky, Andre Santos, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Arshavin, Frimpong, Chamakh. Bolton: Jaaskelainen, Wheater, Robinson, Knight, Steinsson, Eagles, Reo-Coker, Muamba, Pratley, Petrov, Ngog. Subs: Bogdan, Sanli, Gardner, Kevin Davies, Mark Davies, Boyata, Kakuta. 2.30pm: More hot, hot, hot Premier League teamsheets. Print them off and hold the warm paper against your body. Newcastle United v Blackburn Rovers: Newcastle: Krul, Simpson, Steven Taylor, Coloccini, Ryan Taylor, Obertan, Cabaye, Tiote, Gutierrez, Ba, Best. Subs: Harper, Guthrie, Ben Arfa, Lovenkrands, Perch, Marveaux, Sammy Ameobi. Blackburn: Robinson, Salgado, Samba, Givet, Dann, Hoilett, Lowe, Nzonzi, Olsson, Formica, Yakubu. Subs: Bunn, Grella, Petrovic, Rochina, Vukcevic, Roberts, Hanley. West Bromwich Albion v Fulham: West Brom: Foster, Reid, McAuley, Olsson, Shorey, Dorrans, Mulumbu, Brunt, Odemwingie, Long, Thomas. Subs: Fulop, Tchoyi, Morrison, Dawson, Jones, Cox, Scharner. Fulham: Schwarzer, Baird, Grygera, Hangeland, John Arne Riise, Kasami, Sidwell, Murphy, Dempsey, Dembele, Orlando Sa. Subs: Etheridge, Kelly, Ruiz, Senderos, Gecov, Etuhu, Briggs. 2.25pm: It’s now 4-0 for Rangers at East End Park. Steven Naismith has scored his second of the game; Carlos Bocanegra and Maurice Edu notched the others. There are eight minutes to go in that game. 2.22pm: The first Premier League teamsheets of the day are through. No Jermain Defoe for Spurs; he’s got the sniffles. Meanwhile at Anfield, Steven Gerrard starts on the bench, alongside the excellent Craig Bellamy, who is surprisingly dropped for Andy Carroll. Still, Kenny Dalglish keeps saying he’s got a squad and not a team, so there you go. Liverpool v Wolverhampton Liverpool: Reina, Kelly, Carragher, Skrtel, Jose Enrique, Henderson, Lucas, Adam, Downing, Carroll, Suarez. Subs: Doni, Gerrard, Coates, Kuyt, Spearing, Flanagan, Bellamy. Wolverhampton: Hennessey, Stearman, Johnson, Berra, Ward, Henry, Hunt, Edwards, O’Hara, Jarvis, Doyle. Subs: De Vries, Elokobi, Fletcher, Hammill, Milijas, Guedioura, Doherty. Wigan v Tottenham: Wigan: Al Habsi, Gohouri, Caldwell, Figueroa, Van Aanholt, Diame, Watson, McCarthy, Moses, Di Santo, Gomez. Subs: Kirkland, Crusat, Maloney, McArthur, Sammon, Jones, Stam. Tottenham: Friedel, Walker, Kaboul, King, Assou-Ekotto, Modric, Parker, Sandro, Bale, Van der Vaart, Adebayor. Subs: Cudicini, Giovani, Bassong, Corluka, Livermore, Townsend, Carroll. 2.20pm: Some latest scores: Mario Balotelli has put Manchester City 1-0 up against Everton. Rangers, meanwhile, are 3-0 up at Dunfermline. Celtic will need to put away Caley Thistle at Parkhead later on. It shouldn’t be a bother the way Terry Butcher’s side are playing this season, now Adam Rooney has gone, but ICT have a habit of annoying Celtic, so you never know. (You probably do know, though.) 2.15pm: Hats off to Andre Villas-Boas. He clearly has no truck with picking old favourites just to keep the English press happy. Frank Lampard is on the wane bench for Chelsea’s home game against Swansea City, the team having played far better without him last weekend at Old Trafford. Fernando Torres, who was the best player on the pitch in that match by some distance, will start too, Didier Drogba getting Frank to budge up in the dugout. Obvious decisions, you’d have thought, but still. 2.05pm: Manchester City are currently being held at home by Everton. It’s not a classic, according to the Guardian’s Tom Lutz, who has got a proper face on because he’s having to sit through it. Right, 2pm it is. No team news as yet, so here’s the draw for the fourth round of the Carling Cup: Wolves v Manchester City Cardiff v Burnley Blackburn v Newcastle Arsenal v Bolton Stoke v Liverpool Aldershot v Manchester United Crystal Palace v Southampton Everton v Chelsea The games kick off at 3pm. But I’ll be here from 2pm with all the HOT TEAM NEWS. In the meantime, why not switch over to Channel 4 and have a game of Bamboozle ? If we had a page 303, this would be on it: Arsenal v Bolton Wanderers Chelsea v Swansea City Liverpool v Wolverhampton Wanderers @ewc£$tle U*)+ed v Bla&*£u*! *over( West Bromwich Albion v Fulham Wigan Athletic v Tottenham Hotspur Good afternoon, folks, and with terrestrial television currently being closed down region by region, chances are some of you won’t be able to access proper Ceefax any more. (Nobody uses the rubbish new digital version, do they?) No more tapping in page 303 to find out the latest Premier League scores, then moving to page 304, where you wait watching a spinning number for ten minutes before realising the First Division scores are on page 305. None of that. It’s over. We’ll have to do. Premier League Championship League One League Two Scott Murray guardian.co.uk
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