Westminster digested

Just when those arms deals in the Middle East were going so well, along comes a spot of bother in Libya to spoil things Cameron: Blessings and freedom be upon the Middle East! The Middle East: Who is this bloke? Cameron: I come in peace. Though I was just wondering if you’d like to buy some weapons. I’m doing a nice three-for-the-price-of-two deal on some tanks and I can throw in a SA80 rifle too. The Middle East: Can we just bury those who died in the revolution first? Cameron: Please yourself. But what’s the point of you lot becoming a democracy if we don’t get to flog arms to both sides? So, what do you want? The Middle East: To be left alone. Cameron: That’s not an option. You’re not a region, you’re a market. The Middle East: You’re beginning to sound awfully familiar. Tony Blair: Can we just forget that I was the one who went out of my way to rehabilitate Mubarak and Gaddafi? Mubarak: Did you enjoy your free holidays in Sharm el Sheikh? Blair: That’s no way to talk to the UN Middle East peace envoy. Colonel Gaddafi: I’m going nowhere. William Hague: I cannot confirm that Gaddafi is not on his way to Venezuela. Everyone: What’s he on about? Hague: I don’t know. I’m completely out of my depth. Milidee: Can you remind me why we handed al-Megrahi back? Gordon Brown: So that Gaddafi could go into exile in Scotland. Gaddafi: But I’m still going nowhere. Cameron: Can someone please get our people out of this country that we’ve now decided we don’t like any more? Hague: No. Cameron: Why not? Hague: Because I’m still completely out of my depth and I can’t find a military aircraft anywhere. Cameron: Oh bugger. I think I might have sold our last two to the Iraqis. Hasn’t anyone got any good news for me? George Osborne: Fraid not, Cams. The Treasury tells me we’ve got more money than we thought we had. Cameron: Isn’t that a good thing? Osborne: Don’t be ridiculous. It means we could have afforded to give Vodafone and Barclays even bigger tax breaks. Clegg: I’ve done a good thing, Daddy. Cameron: What’s that, Cleggster? Clegg: I’ve gone a whole week forgetting I’m looking after the country without making a total idiot of myself. Cameron: Just when you think the situation can’t get worse . . . David Cameron Arms trade Egypt Middle East Libya George Osborne Nick Clegg Liberal-Conservative coalition John Crace guardian.co.uk

Posted by on February 24, 2011. Filed under News, Politics, World News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry