The Lindsay Lohan of States
I think this former Californian has it about right : Listen up, California. The other 48 states—your cousin New York excluded—are sick of your bratty arrogance. You’re the Lindsay Lohan of states: a prima donna who once showed some talent but is now too wasted to do anything with it. After enjoying ephemeral highs and spending binges, you suffer crashes that culminate in brief, unsuccessful stints in rehab. This cycle repeats itself every five to 10 years, as the rest of the country looks on with a mixture of horror and amusement. We’d feel sorry for you if you didn’t constantly flip us the bird. Instead, we’re making bets on how long it will be before your next meltdown. Oh, wait—you’re already melting down. You’ve racked up nearly $70 billion in general obligation debt, and that doesn’t include your $500 billion unfunded pension liability. Your own analysts predict you’ll face a hole of at least $80 billion over the next four years. Your government’s run by a brothel of environmentalists, lawyers, public-sector unions and legislative bums. When they’re not taxing or spending, they’re creating regulations and commissions like the Board of Barbering and Cosmetology and the California Blueberry Commission. Many businesses would leave if it weren’t for your sunny climate. Which may explain why you’re so obsessed with climate change. If your climate changes, no one, including your Hollywood friends, would tolerate you anymore. So you’ve created a law to tax carbon emissions—no matter that it will kill jobs. It’s not as if you don’t recognize that you’ve got problems. Roughly three-quarters of you say you’re headed in the wrong direction, according to a recent survey by the Public Policy Institute of California. You’re even more depressed than Illinois and New York, and you’ve got sunshine 10 months of the year! She goes on to talk about the rogues gallery of kooks we just elected to our top offices. All of this explains why on the day after the election I woke up angry and somewhat depressed when I probably should have been elated at the progress the GOP made nationwide. I knew that by electing Jerry Brown, Barbara Boxer and Gavin Newsome, and rejecting Prop 23 while approving Prop 25, we had just decided as a state that we don’t want to improve our situation, but in fact desire a quicker decline.
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on November 8, 2010. Filed under