Stoke City v Manchester United | Rob Smyth

• Email your thoughts to rob.smyth@guardian.co.uk • Click here for all the latest scores from around Europe • All the stats and tables you need are here 23 min “First day at university? I distinctly remember beer was 28p for a pint of Adnams. And that’s about all,” says Steve McCabe, aged 149. Twenty-eight pence?! 22 min Pennant is receiving treatment. He appeared to twist his knee, under no pressure from any defenders. The camera cuts to the Manchester United, where Jonny Evans is smiling like a man who’s avoided a firing squad. It’s the reverse of the old here’s-what-you-could-have-won ending on Bullseye. 21 min It’s been an interesting game, as it usually is when Stoke play at home to the big boys, but in terms of actual football it’s been a stinker – an “incoherent swirl of energy”, to use the splendid phrase with which Hugh McIlvanney damned English football in the 1970s. Stoke have played the more coherent football, in fact. 20 min “So, you managed to corner a girl, and then instead of trying to put the moves on you talked about naff Britpop bands?” says Nick Honeywell. “Clearly you’re a man who doesn’t believe in being brave.” To be fair, Nick, it was 1995. Wearing Fred Perry polos and talking about Britpop were on page 1 of all good university guides. 19 min Berbatov heads Anderson’s corner wide from 10 yards. It was a tricky chance, as he had to jump backwards to meet the ball. 17 min United haven’t really got going at all as an attacking force. The Hernandez chance came from nothing, and they haven’t really put three or four passes together. You could argue that they are without five first-choice players – Rooney, Hernandez, Vidic, Smalling and Cleverley – so this is a serious opportunity for Stoke. 16 min “Ohhh,” adds Tony, whose emails are adding so much to tonight’s MBM. 15 min “You’re not blogging anymore,” says Tony. “You’re not blo-o-ogging aneeeemore….” What does that even mean? 14 min Delap’s long throw is headed behind for a corner, again with De Gea staying on his line. From the resulting corner, Crouch is penalised for clambering all over Phil Jones. He headed wide from a couple of yards anyway, but these are very good signs for Stoke. 13 min Anyone reading? What do you remember about your first day at university? Some body must have a funny/cute/life-affirming/criminality-based story. It is pretty much the best day of most of our lives. 12 min “I’m neither casual xenophobe nor ABU (okay, maybe a little) but I haven’t found De Gea to be overly convincing for United so far,” says Niall Mullen. “That said I am rubbing my thighs with glee. Although that has nothing to do with the football.” Of all the deviant gestures – or at least the ones you can show before the watershed – there is nothing as terrifying as watching a man drag his palms up and down his thighs with a gleeful look on his face. Thank goodness Killer BOB didn’t do it in Twin Peaks. Can you imagine the horror? 11 min A glorious solo run down the left wing from the remarkable Phil Jones ends with a chipped cross that is headed behind for a corner. Jones appealed for handball and a penalty, vehemently so, but it looked okay on first viewing. Before the corner is taken, Michael Owen replaces Hernandez. 10 min A long throw from Delap causes more problems, with De Gea staying on his line this time. Eventually Pennant’s shot is blocked. Stoke are causing lots of problems here. 9 min “Can we have Susie from Essex’s side of the story?” says Gary Naylor. “Preferably from Mac Millings.” Oh I only spoke to her about Menswe@r and other hip Britpop bands. I wasn’t that competent a human being. 8 min Hernandez is limping down the tunnel. They’ve just shown the penalty incident again. Woodgate got a slight stud on the ball, but that’s irrelevant because he shoved Hernandez from behind. I think it’s a clear penalty, although Craig Burley on ESPN says it was 50/50. How many caps has he won? 6 min Hernandez is still off the field. 5 min Sir Alex Ferguson is prowling the touchline furiously, even more so now after a shocking tackle from Glenn Whelan on Patrice Evra near the halfway line. A clear yellow card. 4 min “It’s my first day at university today and my accumulator is all set to come in… If United win,” says George Solomon. “I’m sure you and your readers would agree this is a good enough excuse to all get behind United, so my first night out is paid for.” It’s your first day at uni and you’re on the MBM. Come on, man! It’s your first day at uni, the greatest day of your life! I’ll never forget mine: inane small talk, Susie from Essex with the green Puma retro trainers, inane small talk, more inane small talk. The best day ever. 3 min That should have been a penalty for United. Hernandez broke beyond a flat-footed defence onto a deflected pass, moved into the area and was shoved clumsily from behind by Woodgate That knocked Hernandez off balance, and he collided with the keeper as he fell. He’s in a bit of pain, and is currently receiving treatment. That should have been a penalty, and probably a red card for Woodgate. 2 min Pennant wins a corner inside the first minute. Etherington plays it short, and Stoke make a bit of a balls of it. No idea what they were doing there, as they should surely have put it under the crossbar. Anyway, it leads to the first throw in, down the right. Delap fires it in, De Gea charges from his line but doesn’t hold it, and eventually Valencia clears. 1 min Manchester United kick off from right to left. They are booed for doing so. Revised teams Stoke (4-4-2) Begovic; Wilkinson, Shawcross, Woodgate, Wilson; Pennant, Whelan, Delap, Etherington; Walters, Crouch. Substitutes: Sorensen, Huth, Whitehead, Upson, Shotton, Jerome, Palacios. Manchester United (4-4-2) De Gea; Valencia, Ferdinand, Jones, Evra; Nani, Fletcher, Anderson, Young; Hernandez, Berbatov. Substitutes: Lindegaard, Owen, Giggs, Park, Welbeck, Fabio, Macheda. Referee Peter Walton. Jonny Evans has injured himself in the warm-up , so Antonio Valencia will come into the side at right-back, with Phil Jones moving into the middle. Prediction on which you are advised not to stake your mortgage, or even four pence Stoke 3-2 United. Team news There’s no Wayne Rooney, as keen followers of Coleen Rooney’s Twitter page will have deduced last night. Rooney has a hamstring strain; his absence means the return of Berbarotica™. Stoke (4-4-2) Begovic; Wilkinson, Shawcross, Woodgate, Wilson; Pennant, Whelan, Delap, Etherington; Walters, Crouch. Substitutes: Sorensen, Huth, Whitehead, Upson, Shotton, Jerome, Palacios. Manchester United (4-4-2) De Gea; Jones, Ferdinand, Evans, Evra; Nani, Fletcher, Anderson, Young; Hernandez, Berbatov. Substitutes: Lindegaard, Owen, Giggs, Park, Welbeck, Fabio, Valencia. Referee Peter Walton. Preamble Evening. The slogan for this game is simple: it’s Delap v De Gea. Ever since David de Gea signed for Manchester United, casual xenophobes and ABUs have been frantically rubbing their thighs in anticipation of his trial by long throw. It’s a bit of a cliché, of course, and there is so much more to what should be a fascinating clash. Equally, it would be daft to ignore the fact that De Gea is likely to have a character-building 90 minutes ahead. So will a young, injury-ravaged United, on a ground where Stoke have lost only once in 2011. Premier League 2011-12 Stoke City Manchester United Premier League Rob Smyth guardian.co.uk

Posted by on September 24, 2011. Filed under News, Politics, World News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.