Saturday clockwatch | Scott Murray

• Email scott.murray@guardian.co.uk with all your musings • Click here for all the latest scores from around Europe • All the stats and tables you need are here 3.20pm: Wolves aren’t offering very much in the wake of Liverpool’s goal. A bit more on that: Johnson really guided his header quite adroitly into the bottom right corner. It was exquisitely placed, a real freak scene. “So Adam didn’t have to play in the Carling Cup and doesn’t miss a league game either?” realises Dominic Wright. “Win–win! Basically you get a free red the game before any CC fixture. Got to be careful to make it a one gamer though. Adam would have seen straight red for his challenge on Parker and been three games out had he not craftily been yellowed earlier in the game. You have to admit he’s an intelligent player.” 3.18pm: Andy Carroll has got a header on target! It’s easily saved by Wayne Hennessey, but small acorns and all that. “It’s midnight in eastern Australia, and I’ve just got home from my football club presentation night,” begins Martin O’Connor, who will eventually get to the point, I promise. “We have a system called ‘viewers choice’ on our Sky equivalent, through which we can watch any of the games about to kick off. This is all by the by though as What the Hell has Sandro done to his hair? For those who can’t see it, it’s a Neymar style shaved back and sides with an unruly thatch on top, but Sandro has tinted the clippered bits blue.” 3.15pm: Pajtim Kasami has just put the ball into the net for Fulham at struggling West Brom, but it won’t count, the referee’s assistant putting his flag up. “I think CLOCKO is a pretty decent monicker,” opines Phillip Wainwright. “Similar to Snicko in cricket, and that has a respected reputation. Then again, there’s always an exception.” 3.10pm: “CLOCKO™ foreign correspondent gig taken yet?” asks Phillippa Booth. Nope. It’s all yours. Come on, then, where’s your copy? “Am watching Arsenal v Bolton and within two minutes Koscielny’s nearly managed to knock himself out.” Meanwhile there’s been a goal at Anfield: Charlie Adam has cut inside from the left, unleashing a shot towards the bottom-right corner. The ball’s going wide – until Roger Johnson directed it into the net with a needless diving header. Liverpool 1-0 Wolverhampton Wanderers. 3.07pm: It’s all Spurs at the Wigan stadium. Wolves continue to make chances at Anfield. And it could easily be 1-1 at the Emirates; not sure who went close for Bolton, but Gervinho has just spurned a decent chance to put Arsenal ahead “Still think AVB will fail, though,” says Jamie Jackson. 3.03pm: An early goal for Rafael van der Vaart at the JJB, or whatever it’s called now: Wigan Athletic 0-1 Tottenham Hotspur. Meanwhile, anyone for Ceefax memories with Anthony O Connell? “I remember in the 1980s when Liverpool were winning every Saturday in the days of 3pm kick offs,” he writes. “All you had to do was press 303 to see by how much they had won. Now I’m half afraid to check the score!” Well, you should probably leave this page, then, because I categorically haven’t chanced upon an illegal feed of their game against Wolves at Anfield, but I can tell you that the away side have the upper hand in the early exchanges. 3pm: Right, it’s kick-off time! Although it’s already all over for Everton fans such as Gary Naylor: “When your team plays the lunchtime Saturday match and loses, it’s an awful long time before you can avoid watching Match of the Day.” 2.55pm: “Think you’re right about AVB’s rocks,” replies CLOCKO™ swinger correspondent Jamie Jackson. “He also seems to like a argument with anyone who gives him one. Can trip himself up, too; offer up too much; and be too defensive. Just like us all, then.” He sounds absolutely brilliant. I think I’m developing a slight crush. 2.50pm: I’ve not done Clockwatch for a while, and have just been informed that this feature is now referred to in the office as Clocko. I’m not sure whether I approve of this or not. Clocko. Whither gravitas? Clocko. It’s quite snappy, I suppose, not quite veering into the unacceptable arena of Banter. Well, if I must. So here’s more from CLOCKO™ correspondent Jamie Jackson: “David Luiz is also an intriguing one: wasn’t he supposedly Beckenbauer, Jackie Charlton and Eusabio, only with better hair than any of them? Today: dropped, again.” He’s laughably useless, though, isn’t he? Villas Boas knows exactly what he’s doing, and appears to have a massive set of rocks on him too, quite happy to get shot of the deadwood and anyone else he doesn’t like. I wonder if he’ll sell John Terry to Basingstoke Town in the January transfer window? 2.40pm: Manchester City have beaten Everton. City go top, Everton stay in seventh. Just for now, obviously. Up in northern Britain, Rangers have won 4-0 at Dunfermline: they go seven clear of Celtic at the top of the SPL, though of course Celtic have their game against Inverness Caley Thistle coming right up. Dunfermline drop a place to ninth. And confirmation, if confirmation were needed, that Frank Lampard is indeed on the bench. Oh Frank! “Frank Lampard run out with the subs and dutifully applauded the nearby fans,” reports our man Jamie Jackson from Stamford Bridge. “There may be a view that he is being rested but JT is playing.” Chelsea v Swansea: Chelsea: Cech, Bosingwa, Ivanovic, Terry, Cole, Mikel, Mata, Meireles, Ramires, Torres, Anelka. Subs: Turnbull, Luiz, Lampard, Drogba, Malouda, McEachran, Kalou. Swansea: Vorm, Rangel, Monk, Williams, Taylor, Britton, Gower, Allen, Dyer, Lita, Sinclair. Subs: Tremmel, Graham, Dobbie, Routledge, Moore, Bessone, Richards. Referee: Mike Dean (Wirral) 2.35pm: James Milner has scored for City against Everton. That’s 2-0 with a couple of minutes to go, and game over. They’ll go top of the table for nearly five hours at the very least, with Manchester United playing Stoke City at 5.30pm this evening. Meanwhile look at what we have here! It’s more Premier League team news… Arsenal v Bolton Wanderers: Arsenal: Szczesny, Sagna, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Gibbs, Arteta, Song, Ramsey, Gervinho, van Persie, Walcott. Subs: Fabianski, Rosicky, Andre Santos, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Arshavin, Frimpong, Chamakh. Bolton: Jaaskelainen, Wheater, Robinson, Knight, Steinsson, Eagles, Reo-Coker, Muamba, Pratley, Petrov, Ngog. Subs: Bogdan, Sanli, Gardner, Kevin Davies, Mark Davies, Boyata, Kakuta. 2.30pm: More hot, hot, hot Premier League teamsheets. Print them off and hold the warm paper against your body. Newcastle United v Blackburn Rovers: Newcastle: Krul, Simpson, Steven Taylor, Coloccini, Ryan Taylor, Obertan, Cabaye, Tiote, Gutierrez, Ba, Best. Subs: Harper, Guthrie, Ben Arfa, Lovenkrands, Perch, Marveaux, Sammy Ameobi. Blackburn: Robinson, Salgado, Samba, Givet, Dann, Hoilett, Lowe, Nzonzi, Olsson, Formica, Yakubu. Subs: Bunn, Grella, Petrovic, Rochina, Vukcevic, Roberts, Hanley. West Bromwich Albion v Fulham: West Brom: Foster, Reid, McAuley, Olsson, Shorey, Dorrans, Mulumbu, Brunt, Odemwingie, Long, Thomas. Subs: Fulop, Tchoyi, Morrison, Dawson, Jones, Cox, Scharner. Fulham: Schwarzer, Baird, Grygera, Hangeland, John Arne Riise, Kasami, Sidwell, Murphy, Dempsey, Dembele, Orlando Sa. Subs: Etheridge, Kelly, Ruiz, Senderos, Gecov, Etuhu, Briggs. 2.25pm: It’s now 4-0 for Rangers at East End Park. Steven Naismith has scored his second of the game; Carlos Bocanegra and Maurice Edu notched the others. There are eight minutes to go in that game. 2.22pm: The first Premier League teamsheets of the day are through. No Jermain Defoe for Spurs; he’s got the sniffles. Meanwhile at Anfield, Steven Gerrard starts on the bench, alongside the excellent Craig Bellamy, who is surprisingly dropped for Andy Carroll. Still, Kenny Dalglish keeps saying he’s got a squad and not a team, so there you go. Liverpool v Wolverhampton Liverpool: Reina, Kelly, Carragher, Skrtel, Jose Enrique, Henderson, Lucas, Adam, Downing, Carroll, Suarez. Subs: Doni, Gerrard, Coates, Kuyt, Spearing, Flanagan, Bellamy. Wolverhampton: Hennessey, Stearman, Johnson, Berra, Ward, Henry, Hunt, Edwards, O’Hara, Jarvis, Doyle. Subs: De Vries, Elokobi, Fletcher, Hammill, Milijas, Guedioura, Doherty. Wigan v Tottenham: Wigan: Al Habsi, Gohouri, Caldwell, Figueroa, Van Aanholt, Diame, Watson, McCarthy, Moses, Di Santo, Gomez. Subs: Kirkland, Crusat, Maloney, McArthur, Sammon, Jones, Stam. Tottenham: Friedel, Walker, Kaboul, King, Assou-Ekotto, Modric, Parker, Sandro, Bale, Van der Vaart, Adebayor. Subs: Cudicini, Giovani, Bassong, Corluka, Livermore, Townsend, Carroll. 2.20pm: Some latest scores: Mario Balotelli has put Manchester City 1-0 up against Everton. Rangers, meanwhile, are 3-0 up at Dunfermline. Celtic will need to put away Caley Thistle at Parkhead later on. It shouldn’t be a bother the way Terry Butcher’s side are playing this season, now Adam Rooney has gone, but ICT have a habit of annoying Celtic, so you never know. (You probably do know, though.) 2.15pm: Hats off to Andre Villas-Boas. He clearly has no truck with picking old favourites just to keep the English press happy. Frank Lampard is on the wane bench for Chelsea’s home game against Swansea City, the team having played far better without him last weekend at Old Trafford. Fernando Torres, who was the best player on the pitch in that match by some distance, will start too, Didier Drogba getting Frank to budge up in the dugout. Obvious decisions, you’d have thought, but still. 2.05pm: Manchester City are currently being held at home by Everton. It’s not a classic, according to the Guardian’s Tom Lutz, who has got a proper face on because he’s having to sit through it. Right, 2pm it is. No team news as yet, so here’s the draw for the fourth round of the Carling Cup: Wolves v Manchester City Cardiff v Burnley Blackburn v Newcastle Arsenal v Bolton Stoke v Liverpool Aldershot v Manchester United Crystal Palace v Southampton Everton v Chelsea The games kick off at 3pm. But I’ll be here from 2pm with all the HOT TEAM NEWS. In the meantime, why not switch over to Channel 4 and have a game of Bamboozle ? If we had a page 303, this would be on it: Arsenal v Bolton Wanderers Chelsea v Swansea City Liverpool v Wolverhampton Wanderers @ewc£$tle U*)+ed v Bla&*£u*! *over( West Bromwich Albion v Fulham Wigan Athletic v Tottenham Hotspur Good afternoon, folks, and with terrestrial television currently being closed down region by region, chances are some of you won’t be able to access proper Ceefax any more. (Nobody uses the rubbish new digital version, do they?) No more tapping in page 303 to find out the latest Premier League scores, then moving to page 304, where you wait watching a spinning number for ten minutes before realising the First Division scores are on page 305. None of that. It’s over. We’ll have to do. Premier League Championship League One League Two Scott Murray guardian.co.uk

Posted by on September 24, 2011. Filed under News, Politics, World News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.