Killer who struggled with murderous thoughts was not mentally ill, inquest hears Raoul Moat compared himself to fictional characters such as King Kong and the Incredible Hulk while on the run from armed police and said he hated himself as he struggled with his murderous thoughts, an inquest heard. The feelings could have been triggered by a traumatic childhood in which he was beaten and once saw his mother burn all his toys, the jury heard at Newcastle crown court. He was paranoid, suspicious, mistrustful of authority figures and blamed other people for his misfortune. But the 37-year-old former bouncer was not mentally ill, according to a forensic psychologist brought in to advise expert police negotiators. Moat shot himself after a tense six-hour standoff with armed police, in Rothbury, Northumberland, in July 2010. He had been on the run for a week after shooting his former girlfriend, Samantha Stobbart, killing her new boyfriend, Chris Brown, and blinding PC David Rathband. The inquest heard Moat was tormented by bad dreams and feelings which he detailed on a dictating machine while he was on the run. In the message recovered by police, Moat said: “I feel like King Kong when he’s right at the top of that building, all messed up, when he’s in a real mess. I hate myself. I do hate myself. “It is a part of me. I’m like the Incredible Hulk. It is not anger, it is something completely different.” He likened it to being a wild animal “and it’s been there all my life.” He said: “I’ve had it at the back of my mind and it only ever comes out when I get hurt. It is just bonkers. A psychologist said it has got something to do with my mother and rejection; I don’t know, I don’t understand that kind of thing.” He said the violence he had committed “did not feel real” and likened it to playing the video game Doom . And he said when he shot his victims his jaw had been “champing, like he was on ecstasy”. Forensic psychologist John Hughes said the recordings showed Moat “ruminating and rehearsing” what had happened in his mind, as he tried to make a decision on his next move. Andrew Straw, cross examining for the Moat family, said the former doorman had been plagued throughout his adult life by nightmares in which he was seven-years-old and being chased by monsters. Straw asked Hughes if Moat, who was once prescribed antidepressants for depression, was mentally ill. Hughes said: “He has hit a point where he is turning things over in his mind and trying to make sense. He is using analogies that make sense to him. He feels like there is a huge, terrible, angry person in there. “I did not interpret it to mean in a bigger picture there was any mental illness at that point.” He said there is not the sort of chaotic disorder and failure to plan as there would be if he was mentally ill. He spoke of the need for the expert police negotiators to control the stand-off situation carefully. He said this would give Moat a sense of control that could prevent an “awful outcome” as they were by that stage dealing with “a suicide intervention” situation. The inquest continues. Raoul Moat Crime Mental health Helen Carter guardian.co.uk