England v Switzerland – live! | Jacob Steinberg

• Press refresh or turn on our automatic tool for the latest • Email jacob.steinberg.casual@guardian.co.uk for a chat • Click here to find out the latest scores around Europe • Follow Jacob on Twitter, if that’s your thing 16 min: Leighton Baines is warming up. It seems Ashley Cole is injured and will have to come off. He was caught on the ankle by Behrami in that last move. 14 min: Parker takes advantage of slack play from his former West Ham midfield partner, Behrami, and the ball rebounds to Bent. He charges towards goal, but with no support, he’s crowded out by four Swiss defenders. Immediately Switzerland counter, Barnetta loping into space where Johnson is nominally supposed to be. He slides the ball to the edge of the area for Behrami, but with a very presentable shooting opportunity, his touch is woefully heavy and Cole block-tackles him. 11 min: Switzerland are having the best of it at the moment. Liechsteiner bombs up the right flank from the back, before Wilshere foolishly trips him to the right of the area. Shaqiri’s left-footed cross is headed away by Terry at the near post, a terrific honour for the ball, I’m sure you’ll agree, but it’s lifted straight back into the area by Switzerland. Derdiyok controls it on his chest and then goes for the spectacular, the overhead kick. No luck, it’s miles over the bar. But full marks for the ambition. “When I see John Terry with his socks rolled up over his knees, I am reminded of Jane Fonda in her aerobics phase (not her Hanoi Jane phase),” says Gary Naylor. “Should I get out more?” You know the answer to that one.b 8 min: The warning signs are there for England already. Under little pressure outside his own area, Terry lazily plays a loose pass to Wilshere, facing his own goal. Unaware of what’s going on behind him, Wilshere’s on his heels as he’s brushed off the ball by Inler, who strides forward again and pings a shot goalwards. It takes a nick off Ferdinand, which makes the save much more awkward for Hart. He can only spill it, but then does brilliantly to save the follow-up from Derdiyok, who was offside in any case. 6 min: This is too simple. Where’s England’s midfield gone? Inler strolls through a great, gaping hole through the middle, easy as you like, England already on the beach. Earth to Parker! Inler’s touch lets him down and he loses the ball, but it rebounds to Barnetta on the edge of the area. He can’t get it under control though and it pinballs through for Derdiyok, who scuffs his shot straight at Hart from 12 yards out. 5 min: Hart dawdles over a backpass in the great style of Tomas Kuszcack and nearly has the ball robbed off him by Derdiyok. 3 min: Switzerland are all over the place at the back. From the left, Lampard whips a deep, high corner to the far post. Johnson, totally unmarked, leaps highest to meet it but his header is blocked by the star-jumping Benaglio. The ball bounces down three yards from goal, but as Johnson tries to poke it into the empty net, the keeper denies him again, smothering the danger. 2 min: Terry lofts a clever pass over the top of the gawping Swiss defence for Bent, who’s played onside by Ziegler. From the left of the area, he tries to slide it across for Walcott, who’s only denied by a terrific sliding challenge by Senderos. 1 min: Switzerland get us going, attacking from right to left. There are plenty of empty seats inside Wembley. Johnson knocks a long pass down the line for Walcott, but it bounces out of play. And so it begins. “John Terry is endlessly entertaining,” says Linda Howard. “It’s even the little things – like his penchant for wearing his socks above the knee as if they were ~stockings~. Surely bringing up the imagery of hosiery and the garter belt that seems to be missing(?) is a key component to being deemed EBJT. Maybe this is what bonds him on a personal level with Hiddink?” Darren Bent didn’t sing the national anthem. Nor did Fabio Capello. P45 please! Did you know that he’s not English by the way? Bill Chilton’s noticed the polaroid farce too. I love the bit when the pre match segment with the Polaroid pictures introducing the team with the sub Mo’wax bed track comes on,” says he. “No sorry, got the wrong word there. Meant ‘stab myself in the face with a ecoli infected cucumber’ rather than ‘love’.” The teams stroll out, and a jaunty beat plays out across Wembley. England, of course, are lead out by John Terry, which speaks volumes of them. On Scott Parker, placidcasual asks “Could we start calling him Group Captain Scott Parker?” ITV have just shown a segment of England’s players getting their photos taken individually, before scrawling their name on the results. Some highlights: Jack Wilshere isn’t old enough to have a signature and just wrote his name out in full. How adorable. John Terry decided his was a bit “serious”. Not serious enough considering his role as head of state. Theo Walcott said his was “good”. Our first email of the day comes from Luke Stevenson. Well done, it speaks volumes of you. “Ahhh good,” he says. “A segment on Jack Wilshere, I don’t feel like the English media has of yet put enough unbearable pressure on him so that when he inevitably makes one little mistake he will never recover from the verbal battering that the turncoat media will then dish on him. I’m excited.” Wilshere hasn’t even won the World Cup. Overrated. Speaking of young players, by the way, why wasn’t Daniel Sturridge named in this squad? He couldn’t have done much more. Wayne Rooney has had a hair transplant . What must Bobby Charlton make of it all? The teams are in. And Capello has sprung a surprise by choosing James Milner and Theo Walcott instead of Ashley Young and Stewart Downing. That’s an odd choice. Milner has been decidedly average for Manchester City and has struggled playing in a front three, while Young has been very impressive for England in his last few outings. One 0-0 coming right up. England (4-3-2-1): Hart; Johnson, Ferdinand, Terry, Cole; Parker, Wilshere, Lampard; Walcott, Milner; Bent. Subs: Green, Jagielka, Baines, Barry, Young, Downing, Zamora. Switzerland (4-5-1): Benaglio; Lichtsteiner, Djourou, Senderos, Ziegler; Shaqiri, Inler, Behrami, Xhaka, Barnetta; Derdiyok. Subs: Wolfli, Von Bergen, Emeghara, Dzemaili, Fernandes,Mehmedi, Margairaz. Referee: Damir Skominam (Slovenia). England v Switzerland is a fixture that tends to have about as much bite as Bleeding Gums Murphy, but that’s not the case any more. Oh no, with the FA having returned from Fifa’s Zurich-based Temple of Doom after a week of Cuddly Uncle Sepp poking them in the chest and asking what they’re gonna do about it if they’re so tough, Fabio Capello and his side will be under strict instructions to search and destroy in order to preserve the honour of this glorious nation. They’re for it now, the Swiss: insult the English and you’re basically saying Pippa Middleton’s backside isn’t all that. Wrong move Switzerland: you have awoken a sleeping giant. In summary then: It’s on! In reality: Not really. A year, then, since England took their comedy act worldwide and jetted off to South Africa for the World Cup. And didn’t they do well. Plenty has changed since then. Although plenty of the tinpot generation remain in the squad, there’s a tentatively positive feel about England at the moment. Give it until 4.46pm and the first misplaced hoof from Glen Johnson for that frankly unsettling sensation to dissipate. Joe Hart, the man with the golden gloves, has impressed in goal, Scott Parker and Jack Wilshere have hinted at a fruitful partnership in midfield, Ashley Young is finally starting to look comfortable in an England shirt and Darren Bent has three goals in his last three games. Not that they are anything near the finished article yet, and this still has the potential to be a frustrating experience for England, especially with Wayne Rooney. Indeed they haven’t won at Wembley since September, and in that time they have been given a footballing lesson in a friendly by France and laboured to a 0-0 draw against Montenegro in their last qualifier here. The latter means there’s not much room to manoeuvre for England; they only lead Group G on goal difference and still have to go to Montenegro. Six points off the top, realistically there’s more chance of Roland Bunce actually being made the face of Next than there is of Ottmar Hitzfeld’s Switzerland reaching Euro 2012, so for them, this is more about pride and making a nuisance. Should they cause England some bother, they can then sit back with some satisfaction and watch the wailing and flailing that usually accompanies such events. Switzerland have a fairly terrible record against England and have never won at Wembley, although they did poop the party at Euro 96 when they drew with the hosts in a dire opening game. That game was on the ever-excellent ESPN Classics the other day and seemed to consist of 90 minutes of Stuart Pearce launching it long from left-back. Last Saturday, Barcelona made difficult football look so simple; England always make the simple stuff look so hard. It’s a special occasion today, by the way, graced as we are by the presence of John Terry, who’s been making an exhibition of himself again. Here is talking about Guus Hiddink: “I kept in contact on a personal level. That speaks volumes for him.” Euro 2012 qualifiers England Switzerland Jacob Steinberg guardian.co.uk

Posted by on June 4, 2011. Filed under News, Politics, World News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.