England v India – as it happened | Rob Smyth and Alan Gardner

Sachin Tendulkar was dramatically denied his 100th hundred as England forced another India collapse to secure a 4-0 series win Preamble Morning. With the occasional exception – 1999, 2006, 1999, 1999 – the last act of the Oval Test has been one of the feelgood days of the sporting calendar, the sort that puts a smile on the face of even the country’s biggest beta-blocker fiends. The hazy end-of-term celebration is invariably accompanied by some authentic cricketonin, whether it’s a famous England victory (1991, 1994, 2000, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2009), the unique goodwill that comes with a drawn series (1991 again, 1994 again, 1995, 2002, 2003 again), the partisanship-busting brilliance of the opposition (1992, 1996, 1998, 2001), or the giddy hope of a dead-rubber victory (1993, 1997, 2008). Today is no different. At some stage England should complete one of their most emphatic series victories, a pitiless 4-0 demolition of a very good India side. It must rank as England’s greatest whitewash, and not just because England whitewashes come along about as often as My Bloody Valentine albums. It’s Mace Day as well, and not just on campus. After the match England will be presented with the ICC Mace, the property of the best team in the world. England, the best team in the world. It will never look right, will it. There is one other wee element to consider. Sachin Tendular resumes on 35 not out, needing 65 for his hundredth hundred in international cricket. Don Bradman didn’t clinch a Test average of 100 on this ground, but maybe his only main rival as the greatest batsman of all time will get his 100th hundred. If he gets to 99 England should give him a guard of honour between overs, get some water in his eyes. When Tendulkar played his first match for India, the record was 35 hundreds, shared by Viv Richards and Sunil Gavaskar . In Indian terms this series has been all about Rahul Dravid, whose pride, dignity and sheer ability have brought a lump to the throat, yet in a sense it would be perversely fitting if Tendulkar were to overshadow him on the last day of the series. In another sense, a Tendulkar hundred wouldn’t be fitting at all. His hundredth hundred should not come at the end of a 4-0 whitewash. It’d be a bit like Martin Scorsese winning his first Oscar for Kundun. Actually it wouldn’t be like that at all, but you get the point. Let him get it at a crunch point in a Test in Australia this winter, or better still in a Test at Mumbai. So long as he gets it in a Test. Besides, after the summer we’ve had, the summer we get to celebrate today, it’d be pretty greedy to ask for more. The bidding for this England hat , signed by the Brisbane Three, is still at £300. If you want to push it to £300.01, let us know by the close of play, when the auction ends. The money goes to MAG, for which my colleague will be riding round Sri Lanka next year. You can sponsor her here, should you wish . And here’s an email from Steph to say thanks to all the OBOers and OBOettes who have already done so: “Could I please thank the following for your amazing generosity in donating to my charity bike ride – Anonymous x 4, Caspar Pearson, Joshua Nall, John Starbuck, Jonathan Kane, Dave Yates, Harsha Sirisena, Phil Collis, Mathini & Jivaka, Peregrine Roscoria, Sacha, N Taylor, Mark Baker, Jon Devaney, Alan Martin, Peter Gettins, Rohan, Steven Larmcombe. I love you all, thank you. I was aiming to raise £3,000 but because of all this wonderfulness I refuse to retire at that score and will be batting on with £4,000 in mind. Big big thanks also to all who have bid for the magic sunhat and the amazing Lord Selvey for donating something so fabulous. XXX” A cheery email “‘England whitewashes come along about as often as My Bloody Valentine albums’,” quotes Mark Paul. “England have completed a number of whitewashes in the last few years, including two last year. Get your facts right.” Hmm. It was said in jest. I know it’s now a custodial offence in England if you are anything but entirely serious about absolutely everything, but hopefully you can forgive me just this once. Anyway, you can’t really count two-Test series as whitewashes. It surely has to be three or more to really count. Anybody got anything to talk about? Riff away. 36th over: India 134-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 40, Mishra 8) “We’re in for a cracker. Go on!” chirps Bumble as the players come onto the field. It’s a sell out apparently, and there’s a cracking atmosphere. It’s going to be one big celebration of England English cricket. And of Sachin Tendulkar. He steers Jimmy Anderson’s second ball of the day to third man for four, prompting wild cheers. Runs are important today; India’s deficit is now 157, so the time/runs equation may come into play at some stage. “I was talking recently to the man who currently serves as My Bloody Valentine’s manager,” says Michael Hann. “He said they were currently recording a new album. Though since the remasters of Loveless and Isn’t Anything are now five years past their original release date and still no closer to actually emerging, it’s possible this so-called new album might not actually emerge in a timely fashion.” What was the gap between Stone Roses and The Second Coming? Five and a half years? I never thought anybody could exceed it. But then in 1989 I probably never thought anybody could score more than 35 international hundreds. 37th over: India 135-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 41, Mishra 8) Graeme Swann will start at the Vauxhall End. His first ball is a grubber to Tendulkar, mercifully wide of off stump. Swann needed a game like this, in which he’s the centre of attention. Apart from Adelaide, and a Cardiff cameo, he has been a support act for the last year. “Appropriate jokes for today,” begins Paul Howarth. “Here’s one from Fawlty Towers. The Major, talking about a woman he once knew, tells Basil: ‘I must have been keen on her because I took her to see India. At The Oval.’” Probably best not to dwell on what comes straight after that line, eh . (Tedious-warning-as-somebody-is-bound-to-feign outrage-offence otherwise department: clip contains offensive racial language.) 38th over: India 141-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 46, Mishra 9) Tendulkar deliberately uppercuts Anderson to third man for four. He’s going to do it, isn’t he. You can smell it already. Anderson is very unhappy with the footholds. This has been a rare of old series for fidgeting and fastidiousness. “Any chance we could discuss, at length, the sheer bloody awfulness of Channel 5′s ‘And the Time is Now!’ theme tune?” says Toby Blake. ” I think it’s worthy of detailed analysis – for a start, it’s one of the most insidiously irritating earworms since Channel 5′s ‘This Is the Time…’ cricket tune, which it replaced. Where do they find these upliftingly terrible songs?” It’s bad, really bad. But it’s not as bad as this, ITV’s theme tune for Euro 92 . 39th over: India 147-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 47, Mishra 14) Mishra pad-gloves Swann not far wide of Bell at silly point before pulling meatily for two. Then he opens the face to glide three more to third man. This has been an excellent start from India. There was a sense that an England win was a formality, but it’s not looking that way. “I thought it was only a whitewash if you won all the games, not just if the other team didn’t win any,” says Rachel Clifton. “Does that make sense?” Perfect sense. But that’s what we said, right? 40th over: India 148-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 48, Mishra 14) Anderson changes his boot, which means a slight delay. When he eventually runs in, Tendulkar fresh-airs another attempted uppercut. There’s a touch of swing for Anderson later in the over, but this will be hard yakka for the seamers. The pitch isn’t giving them much. India trail by 143 . “Just figured you’d be the man in the know on this one: Wisdens,” says Matt Bedford. “My old man has a huge collection going years back, but after an argument with mum she decided to teach him what for and ripped a few of them up (no mean feat actually.. they’re like telephone directories). Any tips on locating cheap back copies which I could pull out for a birthday/Xmas present at some stage?” Cheap Wisdens? Good one. You’ve about as much chance of finding cheap Wisdens as you have of finding expensive Lambrini. But I’ll mail you a couple of links when I have a second. More to the point, though, she ripped up his Wisdens ?! That’s worse than what Lorena Bobbitt’s argument-clincher. 41st over: India 149-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 49, Mishra 14) Mishra has defended very well against Swann so far, playing the ball as late as possible. One from the over. “Whitewashes?” sniffs Mac Millings. “It has to be a minimum four-Test series, for me. Incidentally, Mark Paul of ‘A Cheery Email’ notoriety is rude, has a low ‘what constitutes a whitewash?’ threshold, seems to have a lot of time on his hands, and doesn’t understand jokes. Oh, look what I did. Millings 4 – 0 Paul.” 42nd over: India 150-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 50, Mishra 14) Tendulkar almost brings the house down – and that’s just for reaching his fifty with a single off Anderson. “He’s on his way,” says Bumble. Can you imagine the scenes if he does it. It might even steal fifth story on the sports news from football! Anderson has a big shout for LBW against Mishra, but it looked like it was comfortably sliding down and Simon Taufel said not out. The ball hit Mishra on the flap of the pad, and he immediately fell to his knees in pain. Now the physio’s on, which has left Sir Ian Botham and David Lloyd incredulous on Sky. “It’s just hit him on the pad!” says Beefy. “Unbelievable!” says Bumble. Mishra receives treatment for at least three or four minutes, and then he’s beaten by a good one from Anderson that nips away off the seam. “Can there be a more 90s video than Loveless by My Bloody Valentine ?” says Benjamin Yeo. “It captures the sound but not the band. Just the odd haunting hazy close-up that reminds me of an Enya video.” And that Enya video reminds us of that Peep Show episode, which reminds us of social ineptitude and misery, which reminds us of the 1990s. Four degrees of Kevin Bacon way. 43rd over: India 151-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 51, Mishra 14) A quiet over from Swann. There’s an early whiff of The Oval 1990 about today . England v India. Team follows on apparently doomed to defeat, sublime batsman scores crucial century as match drifts towards a draw. “Like every good Englishman I spent the weekend in the sunshine in the company of OBO and TMS,” says Chris Aird, “although I have to say my enjoyment of the cricket was marred by the relentless negativity of Boycott. He must trundle between the TMS and Five commentary boxes but I am beginning to wonder how he gets all this work; he is such a kill joy. Thought it was downright rude of him to refer to Bopara as a ‘dust cart’….” He was in hilarious form at the Oval yesterday. He was signing autographs, and some bloke serenaded him with some sycophantic guff – “Geoffrey you’re a genius” – as he walked towards him. But even before the bloke could get the word ‘genius’ out, Boycott barked ‘Pen!’. It was magnificent. 44th over: India 152-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 52, Mishra 14) A nice insight into Shane Warne’s peerless cricket brain on Sky. He says that, when he was bowling on a worn last-day wicket, he would deliberately bowl one of his early deliveries into the biggest patch of rough he could find, just so that it would turn and bounce grotesquely and put further doubt in the mind of the batsman. As he is chatting, Anderson beats Tendulkar with a magnificent full-length outswinger. That was a bona fide jaffa. “Hi Rob,” says James Clark. “Re: your MBV/England comparison, one is centred around a once-in-a-generation talent called Kevin who likes to finish his performances with a sustained bludgeoning of the senses, the other is My Bloody Valentine. (insert cursory honk). You could probably also say that India’s decline in this series has been a bit of a Slowdive. Sorry.” 45th over: India 155-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 54, Mishra 15) Mishra edges a slider from Swann low and past the slip for a single. He hasn’t really threatened to take a wicket yet; if anything Anderson has been the likelier lad. It’s great to watch though, primarily because Warne is rattling through his thoughts on tactics as Swann bowls – four men around the bat at all times, bowl quicker to Tendulkar because the pitch is turning so much. It’s really good stuff. “Yes that Channel 5 theme really is a stinker,” says Alan Tyler. “Except it isn’t an earworm – I never find myself humming it afterwards, but I always find it irritating while its on. The worst of it is I have trouble watching the C5 online version, it frequently sticks, meaning I have to start again from the beginning and listen to that bombastic vacuous tosh over (and sometimes over) again.” 46th over: India 155-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 54, Mishra 15) Broad replaces Anderson. I hope he gets the England Man of the Series award, however strong the competition may be. There’s a huge shout for LBW when Tendulkar walks across his stumps to a very full delivery. I reckon it was just going down leg; more importantly, so did Simon Taufel. Replays show it was yet another masterful decision from him. We’ve said it a few times this summer, but the standard of umpiring has surely never been higher. “It is with immense pride that I note the current trend amongst OBO readers for the gift of cake,” says Katie Cannon. “It seems my excellent little cake of a few weeks ago has instigated the OBO cake craze. I feel at one with Mr. Kipling. I have hit the cricket world for six. I hope you think of me when you next tuck into a plump Dundee or a sticky cupcake. Much love, Katie Cannon, the original Bringer of Cake.” Yep, thank you very much Katie – and to the kind people at Friday Cakes – for ensuring none of us will be able to fit into our favourite T-shirt in a year’s time. I must also point out that we were also sent a bottle of gin during this series, and that, if people want to see us more gin, I suppose we’d have to reluctantly accept. 47th over: India 161-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 55, Mishra 20) Mishra flaps a quicker ball from Swann past slip for four. It was in the air but well played. India are playing extremely well and have reduced the deficit to 130. “First day at my desk for a fortnight,” says Gary Naylor, “and the number of unread emails is Alastair Cookish. I’m hoping to get those down to Jonathan Trott territory by lunch, Tim Bresnan by tea and Jimmy Anderson by the close of play. Does anyone else think of players when they see certain numbers? I’d like to go on Dragon’s Den (not really, but you know what I mean) with a Sat Nav that announces roads with a snippet of cricketing knowledge to back it up (‘Turn left ahead on to the A281. 281 was VVS Laxman’s score at Kolkata 2001′) but maybe only if voiced by Richie Benaud… and maybe it would only sell two units (to Gary Naylor and Rob Smyth).” The genius of Brian Lara is that he has all sorts of numbers: 375, 400, 501, 277, 213, and the best of the lot, 153. 48th over: India 166-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 56, Mishra 24) A lovely stroke from Mishra, who times a leg-stump delivery from Broad through square leg for four. Broad didn’t like that, and responds by ramming a short ball into Mishra’s arm guard. “Don’t rub it!” says Shane Warne; it can’t be too often he’s used that phrase. “On the subject of Sir Geoffrey and autographing books…” begins Michael Hann. “On the last day of the 1981 Oval Test, the great man was signing copies of his books during the lunch interval, at a table set up behind the pavilion. I was in the middle of reading Put to the Test, his account of the 1978-79 Ashes, at the time. I queued up and presented my copy. He saw that it had clearly not been bought that day and handed it back. He told me, brusquely, that he was only signing for people who were spending money. I was 12 years old, and there ended my love for Geoffrey Boycott.” That story is hilarious, sad and also more than a little unpleasant. The perfect Boycott story, then. 49th over: India 172-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 56, Mishra 29) Mishra sweeps Swann firmly through square leg for four to bring up a very good fifty partnership. It’s not really happening for England at the moment. “Morning Rob, today is not just the setting sun on another summer of Test cricket, it’s also the last ever day for the nPower girls,” says Chris Rose. “We should pause to appreciate the contribution they’ve made to our No1 status over 10 years. I’ve given them my phone number more than once – they never rang…” Really? Why is it their last day? On that subject, it’s quite poignant to think that the original Sky Strikers are now probably in their forties, possibly with 12 kids. 50th over: India 173-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 56, Mishra 30) Mishra bat-pads Broad through the vacant backward short leg area for a single, and then Tendulkar is beaten by two absolute jaffas, the first snapping away off the seam from a good length, the second fuller and doing the same off the pitch. Awesome bowling. Broad has a monstrous series. “Talking of 90s rock bands, I had one of my more depressing moments whilst reading my super soaraway Guardian this morning,” says David Hopkins. Yeah, sorry David, I realise standards have sli- “Specifically, the report of yesterday’s V Festival, which mentioned that not only were the Manic Street Preachers sandwiched between Scouting for Girls and the Script, but that they attracted a smaller and less enthusiastic crowd than either of them, partly because ‘NDubz’ were on at the same time. Cameron should reference that the next time he’s banging on about moral decline.” 51st over: India 174-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 56, Mishra 31) I missed that over from Swann because I was too busy foaming about the following. “Today is destined to be a massive anti-climax,” chirps Piers Barclay. “We probably won’t be able to force the win today, but more importantly, apparently we can’t get the mace til tomorrow . I want the mace!” As a deviant bishop said to an actress, etc and so honk. Is that really correct about the mace? That it can’t be presented because of a potential clash of sponsors? Unless I am missing something, that is bizarre, appalling and not far short of disgraceful. What do they think this is, football? We couldn’t give a flying one about Reliance or nPower (except the girls, the poor old girls), but we could give many flying ones about celebrating England becoming the best team in the world. That is extraordinary, and I’m in a hot funk now. 52nd over: India 174-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 56, Mishra 31) A maiden from Broad to Mishra, who is doing such a good job that England have had to turn to their secret weapon: Ravi Bopara, Test average 199.00. “Aaah Boycott, that eternal marmite of men and commentators,” says Guy Hornsby. “You love him for his outspokenness, then hate him for some of the things he says. You can’t have it both ways. I’m not going to dredge up old strife over the likes of Yardy, but he’s from another era, and with that you get the good and the bad. I thought he was in pretty imperious form on TMS yesterday, even if it was a bit boorish at the same time. You get what you see with Sir Geoffrey, and that’s played out against the fact he’s so readily lampooned by us, and even more so by the rest of the TMS staff, which is one of its many joys. Personally, I’m still recovering from being at the Oval yesterday and not seeing you, Smyth. I wandered the ground at lunch, but no luck. Devastated. Where were you sat?” I don’t sit with the peasants, Hornsby, you know that. (I was in the Lock Stand.) 53rd over: India 175-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 57, Mishra 31) Bopara is a lot better than that bowling average suggests, of course. He’s bowling to his hero, Sachin Tendulkar. Such hero-worship didn’t do Monty Panesar any harm all those years ago, although Bopara starts with a poor delivery that Tendulkar works for a single. The last ball is much better, albeit pitch-assisted, a grubber that almost gets through Mishra. 54th over: India 176-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 58, Mishra 31) Broad is in an excellent groove at the moment. Tendulkar inside edges a single into the leg side, the only run from another fine over. Broad’s figures are an Ambrosian 11-5-15-0. “Vaughan has just shared on TMS that Boycs doesn’t (and has never) owned a pair of jeans,” says Jim Carpenter. “Or flip flops. He’s never needed flip flops, because he only goes to hotels that have Astroturf around the pool. I’ve never seen this – do they even exist, or is this the fevered imagination of a maniac? And never owned jeans? JUST WRONG.” I love eccentricity like that. It’s the only way I can justify what has become of me . Dilip Doshi, the former Indian spinner, claims he has listened to no music other than the Rolling Stones in the last 45 years . 55th over: India 182-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 63, Mishra 32) Tendulkar times a wide half-volley from Bopara through extra cover for four, the first boundary in six overs. “The most 90s music videos,” begins Fiona Dunlop, “have to be either Heart-Shaped Box by Nirvana or Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden , surely?” In terms of look, perhaps, but if you want a video that sums up the 90s it has to be Country House , no? 56th over: India 186-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 63, Mishra 36) Mishra flicks Broad through square leg for four, a shot of such class and grace that David Gower mistakes him for Tendulkar. India now trail by only 105, and the draw is almost favourite. “Can I ruffle a few English feathers by venturing the opinion that Swann is probably over-rated?” says Arvind Ramanan. |He doesn’t spin the ball much and appears to have an inflated opinion of his skills. He might be a genuinely nice bloke and all that, but he hasn’t looked very threatening at all throughout this series despite having enough runs on the board to attack at will. He has had a forest of catchers around the bat and still hasn’t threatened anyone.” Hmm, I don’t think I’d agree with that. He’s a little below par, but isn’t it mainly down to the fact that hardly any spinners do well against India. Look at the averages of all spinners who have taken 10 wickets or more against India in the last 20 years. 57th over: India 192-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 68, Mishra 37) Tendulkar back cuts Bopara crisply for four. It was in the air but perfectly safe. Eight more of those and a corner of south London will go crazy. “You are frothing with very little cause – we were perfectly happy before the Test World Rankings sponsored by xyz was invented and applied some poorly understood metric to try to turn Test cricket in to the Premiership,” says Richard Clarke. ” It has always been pretty obvious who the best team was in any era and when there was genuine competition, you had a ‘Test’ match series of sufficient length to find out. The Test championship has had several very bad consequences that means that we shouldn’t give it the time of day. Too much Test cricket, a tiring merry-go-round, meaningless matches, mini-series against worthless opponents and too short series against meaningful ones. I mean, we are facing a situation where England and SA, arguably the two best teams in the world, won’t get a five-Test series and India send an under-strength side to the West Indies, where matches are played to empty grounds! It’s all crap.” 58th over: India 197-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 68, Mishra 42) Swann comes back into the attack, having switched ends, and Mishra greets him with an almighty slap round the chops, dancing down the track to drive the first delivery back over Swann’s head for four. Top stuff. If this is a repeat of the 1990 Test between these sides, then Mishra is doing a Neil Williams . I miss one-cap wonders. 59th over: India 197-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 68, Mishra 42) Tim Bresnan replaces Ravi Bopara, who now has the fourth highest bowling average in Test history . He is a touch too wide, and that allows Mishra to play out a maiden. “The most 90s video?” says Elliot Carr-Barnsley. ” Waterfalls by TLC or anything by All Saints. Vests? Check. Combats? Check. Hair up? Check. On a different note, if one list’s title could leave you in no doubt as to its content, it’s this one .” 60th over: India 199-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 69, Mishra 43) Mishra drives Swann to the left of mid off, where Broad makes an excellent stop. He is playing so well, Mishra, and it’s a big surprise to see that he has never made a first-class century . Two from the over. India are 92 behind, with around 19 minutes to lunch. It’s been a wonderful session for them. “The problem with Naylor’s sat-nav is that the only people who might be tempted to own such a device would be the ones who least needed it, who would already be thinking of the confectionery stand when they saw the sign for the A149, or came out in a cold sweat as the A46 approached,” says Robert Elison. “On that basis, I’m out.” Ha, yes. ‘There has been a mysterious 1741 per cent rise in crashes on the A129 in the last 12 months…’ 61st over: India 202-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 70, Mishra 45) India are very comfortable despite the best efforts of Bresnan in that over. The one big hope for England is Bumble’s insistence on Sky that this is a difficult pitch on which to start your innings, especially against Swann, so if England get one they might get three. Chris Rose has answered my question about the nPower girls. “nPower’s sponsorship finishes this year,” says Chris. “Investec have taken over Test sponsorship from 2012. I knew I should have nicked Tim Rice’s idea & formed a company called Jamodu… (think about it).” I did. But I’m simple folk so my head started hurting and I had to google it instead . 62nd over: India 203-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 70, Mishra 46) Tendulkar is dropped at short leg! He pushed forward at a fine delivery from Swann, and the ball flew off bat and pad to the right of Cook, who couldn’t hang on. It was a sharp chance – they all are in that position – but Cook will probably feel he should have taken it. The next ball is a delicious slider that beats Tendulkar and brings a token stumping appeal from Matt Prior. Rod Tucker takes no chances and goes to the third umpire, but Tendulkar’s back foot was down. Terrific bowling from Swann, who has gone up a level in the last couple of overs. “I bet Mishra has had Fletcher purring in the dressing room,” says Harry Tuttle. “The big man might just have found his new Ashley Giles!” 63rd over: India 204-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 70, Mishra 47) This is a difficult spell for Tendulkar, who flicks a full delivery from Bresnan a fraction short of Strauss at short midwicket. He just needs to get through to lunch, which is a couple of overs away. “Richard Williams, our Richard Williams of Old Grey Whistle Test, NME, etc has never listened to Stairway to Heaven,” says Lord Selvey. “Not even Rolf Harris.” That reminds me of people who have never seen Police Academy 2. How can they live with themselves? 64th over: India 206-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 71, Mishra 48) Swann has been using the slider a bit more in this second spell. “Bringing Jimmy [at slip] into play here Graeme,” says Matt Prior behind the stumps. If anything, Mishra is playing Swann more comfortably than Tendulkar, and he sees out Swann’s last over before lunch with ease. ” This is a must watch if there ever was one ,” says Sanjiv Johal. “”Rahul Dravid getting punk’d in the early noughties. A young lady posing as a journalist [and besotted fan] starts off by quizzing the great man gently and then slowly begins to up the ante. An inappropriate line of questioning culminates in a marriage proposal [and the maiden's father mistaking Dravid for Sachin]. Dravid’s reaction is priceless.” 65th over: India 216-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 72, Mishra 57) Mishra rolls the wrists to flip Bresnan for two and bring up a startlingly accomplished half-century. What a wonderful innings it has been, possibly the finest of his life, and he carries on merrily with a sliced cut for four more later in the over. Then he times the last ball of the session through extra cover for three. “I remember that 1990 Test at the oval well,” says Paddy Murphy. “I watched Narenda Hirwani whirl away for god knows how many overs all afternoon as England batted out the draw. The unquestionable high point was when some wag in the crowed shouted: ‘Hit us a six please please Lamby!’ to liven up an otherwise numbing afternoon, which he did the very next ball. The gentleman then very politely shouted ‘Thank you’.” Poor Hirwani. I think he bowled a single spell of 59 overs in that game. That must be the longest in Test history. Anyway, that’s lunch. It’s been a terrific session for India, who made 87 runs in 30 overs without losing a wicket. They trail by 75; Sachin Tendulkar needs 28 for his 100th hundred; Amit Mishra needs 43 for his first; and England still have 68 overs in which to force victory. Thanks for your emails, Alan Gardner will be here after lunch to describe the big moment – Ravi Bopara’s second Test wicket – and I’ll see you after tea. LUNCH Let’s go back to where it all began for Sachin, shall we, a hundred to save the Test against England at Old Trafford . Interestingly, I notice that it took Tendulkar nearly five years to make his first ODI ton . He’s since gone on to make 47 more, including the only double in that format. It only goes to show the value of backing a player. Luke Wright may still come good. “Afternoon Alan, afternoon everyone,” says John Davies, doffing his titfer. “Is the near universal desire to see Tendulkar score his 100th century the explanation for Cook dropping that chance, and maybe for the non-appeal yesterday from Matt Prior et al? A bit like your mum deciding it was a no-ball when you get your little brother out first ball in the garden. Or the old WG line about the crowd not having turned up to watch the umpire umpiring instead of him batting. WG – by all accounts a bit of a graceless shit personally. Hmm. Did Boycott ever try for a long beard? (He would have done if someone pointed out the saving on razors and shaving foam.)” I gather the Doctor would have made Brian Clough look a model of humility, John. Tendulkar has earned his fortune, I reckon, though he has looked a litte nervous during this innings. There’s no way he’ll muck it up, is there? On Sky, Ivon Gower has already invoked the spirit of Bradman and Eric Hollies, who did for the Don at this ground … “That is a good idea to remember players’ scores when you look at numbers,” writes Sriraghavan.B. “I do remember some players having scored those runs in the respective matches when I look at certain numbers. I have listed a few here. (You have already mentioned some of Brian Lara’s scores, so I haven’t included them.) 365 Gary Sobers; 364 Len Hutton; 333 Graham Gooch; 175 Kapil Dev; 274 Zaheer Abbas; 334 Don Bradman; 194 Saeed Anwar; 208 Ian Botham; 189 Viv Richards; 236 Sunil Gavaskar; 242 Clive Lloyd; 291 Viv Richards; 215 David Gower; 258 Rohan Kanhai; 199 Mohd Azharuddin & Mudassar Nazar; 401 Graeme Hick; 171 Glenn Turner; 138 Viv Richards In about an hour’s time, we’ll know if Sachin has his magic number. Then all he has to do is score his first 300, and we can finally pronounce him great. 66th over: India 218-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 73, Mishra 58) Out the batsmen come, with camera phones held aloft all around the ground. How’s your gut feeling? Mishra is obviously contemplating the enormity of what his batting partner may be about to achieve, as he is still looking at his shoelaces as Swann comes in to bowl his first ball. Simon Taufel signals ‘dead ball’ at the last minute, just as Mishra looks up and Swann rolls the ball out, confusing everyone. He’s then very close to being given out lbw without playing a shot – he got a big stride in, but that was risky. And then he’s done by Swann’s arm ball! Maybe Mishra has got the sympathy jitters. Tendulkar, meanwhile, calm as you like, knocks another run of his target. 67th over: India 225-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 77, Mishra 61) Broad is on from the Vauxhall Road end … and Tendulkar edges the first ball low through the slips for three! Gee whiz, I could really do with a diazepam cocktail, right now. Mishra deals well with Broad’s fuller length, twice squeezing him out for runs before Tendulkar helps himself to another single off the last ball. “Great comeback from India, is this. If only this was an eight Test series, you’d surely be backing them to win 4-3,” zings Steve Donavon. 68th over: India 229-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 79, Mishra 63) Tendulkar remains watchful against Swann. I can’t imagine he’s erased that dropped catch by Alastair Cook entirely from his mind … He works away a single before Mishra again betrays his nerves a little by having a huge yahoo at Swann, the ball skittering away for a single in a completely different direction. I presume you’re all off crafting your commemorative tweets for Sachin’s big moment? 69th over: India 231-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 79, Mishra 65) Broad has looked the most penetrative of England’s fast bowlers this morning, and he induces an edge from Mishra that drops a yard short of Prior. Looked like he actually played that pretty well, with Fairy hands, to take some of the pace off the delivery. “I’m sure I can’t be the only one to write in about this, but Graeme Hick’s highest (and most iconic) score in first-class cricket was 405, not 401, as Sriraghavan.B suggested. That was such a good knock that Duncan Fearnley named one of their bats after it…” Chris Savory is the man with Sriraghavan’s, er, number. 70th over: India 231-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 79, Mishra 65) The expectation is almost tangible, with Tendulkar facing up to Swann. His first ball comes sharply off somewhere approaching the outside edge of the bat, and drops short of silly point. That will keep the close fielders interested, as Bumble says. I wonder, has all of India completely stopped right now? I’m imagining a 28 Days Later type scene in Mumbai, with the streets completely deserted … Not because of ravenous Tendulkar Rage zombies, I should stress. 71st over: India 237-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 79, Mishra 71) “Am I the only one who doesn’t want Tendular to get his 100?” says Dan Smith, at the risk of upsetting more than a billion people. “I’d like him to get it, but in a series where it’s deserved. He’s brought nothing to this series, either in terms of performances or team ethic (immoveable in the batting order, lazy in the field). It would be a shame if he overshadowed Rahul Dravid who, in this series, has been everything Tendulkar has not.” Aye, it would have been nice for the moment to have come in a more genuinely competitive situation. But then, as Rob noted in his preamble, overshadowing Dravid is pretty much what Tendulkar does. And that’s how Dravid likes it, too. Mishra guides Broad off the face for four. He’s catching the great man up. 72nd over: India 241-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 83, Mishra 71) Swann has a super-sized shout for lbw against Tendulkar. Simon Taufel, who just perhaps doesn’t want to be the man to give Sachin out 20 runs shy of his 100th hundred, turns it down, and Swann pulls a brilliant lemon-sucking face. The ball was going on to hit leg – though Warne thinks there might have been a bit of glove involved. Tendulkar then rocks back and pistons a cut away for four. He remains in charge of his own destiny. “According to friends I saw Tendulkar’s first century in Britain, against Derbyshire at Chesterfield in July 1990. I don’t remember too much about it: post A Levels summer, warm day, beer…” If you can remember the day, Jonathan Westwood, you probably weren’t there. That’s my rule of thumb with county cricket. 73rd over: India 249-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 85, Mishra 77) Andrew Strauss throws the ball to Kevin Pietersen. Is this a symbolic ushering of Tendulkar to the landmark? KP would sure love to poop India’s party, though. Mishra bashes away a disgusting full toss – he’s now only eight runs shy of his highest first-class score. 74th over: India 249-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 85, Mishra 77) Tendulkar is DROPPED again! It was a thin edge of Swann, the ball just failing to stick in the webbing of Matt Prior’s glove. Swann screams in frustration … And then Sachin pads up to one outside off that looks for all the world like it was coming back to clip the stump. Holy moly! This innings is beginning to resemble Tendulkar’s uber-scratchy knock in the World Cup semi-final . He didn’t reach 100 that day, as I’m sure you all remember … 75th over: India 258-3 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 91, Mishra 80) Mishra moves to 80 with three off Pietersen before Tendulkar gets into the incredibly-nervous-100th-hundred nineties with a hearty smash for four. Make a note of where you are, so you can tell the grandchildren you wish you had. Here’s Gary Naylor: “I feel that I should shop whoever is responsible for England not receiving the Mace this afternoon. But I’m working 7-11 today, so that course of action lacks convenience. England need some fine fare from their bowlers to find a safe way to win this match from here on this lovely er.. summer field.” WICKET! Mishra 84 b Swann (76th over: India 262-4) Mishra plays around a non-turning off-break and his off-stump is pegged back. He’s got out exactly level with his previous best first-class score! There’ll be no romantic hundred for the nightwatchman, then. You can all go home. 76th over: India 262-4 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Tendulkar 91, Raina 0) Raina comes in with the prospect of bagging a pair. Here’s Lawrie ‘The Grinch’ Jones: “Rather than this rather sycophantic Tendulkar worship in a series which, at best, has shown up the frailties in his and his side’s fortunes – England should be hammering the little fellow and showing no mercy. I think it’s a particularly unedifying trait to wish Tendulkar gets his 100 in a competitive international against your own side and I for one am hoping he gets out very shortly, pre-empting a calamitous Indian collapse and consigning them to 3rd place in the world in the most ruthless, and un-English way possible.” WICKET! Tendulkar 91 lbw Bresnan (77th: India 262-5) Now you really all can go home! Bresnan’s first ball was right on the money and Tendulkar went for another regulation flick off his pads – a shot he has executed perhaps thousands of times. There’s maybe a hint of reverse swing and the ball beat the bat, thumping into the pads. Hearts and several other vital organs are in mouths everywhere as umpire Rod Tucker mulls the proposition for two or three seconds … then raises the finger! I mentioned that World Cup innings and it’s deja vu all over again. Tendulkar has to drag himself away – and replays show that DRS wouldn’t have saved him, as it would have gone with the umpire’s call. 77th over: India 262-5 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Raina 0, Dhoni 0) Tim Bresnan had better rally the faithful from the People’s Democratic Republic of Yorkshire, because he’s just made the list of pretty much every Indian on the planet. I don’t know what to feel personally – I’m sure he’ll get there, so I guess it’s better all round that he does so on a more fittingly grand occasion. 78th over: India 262-5 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Raina 0, Dhoni 0) Swann has Raina in his cross-hairs again. The adrenaline is seeping out of my system gradually, giving me a bit of a comedown. Not that that’s an unfamiliar sensation. That’s a maiden for Swann, who has three for 99. “Had he been around, presumably Lawrie Jones would have been celebrating Bradman’s duck at the Oval in 1948 . I wouldn’t, and I’d rather have my outlook than his, ” emails Dave Espley. Several others among you, however, have sent in your congratulations to Mr Jones, which perhaps tells us more. 79th over: India 265-5 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Raina 0, Dhoni 1) In amongst all the Sachin-alia, it’s gone almost unnoticed that India are just 29 runs from making England bat again. Make that 26, after Dhoni gets off the mark against Bresnan, plus a couple of leg byes. “Now that both these guys are out, I really don’t want to see Raina survive more than 10 minutes,” says Sanjeev Sinha. “This guy symbolizes that insidious generation of T20 pretenders and they need to be sent out to the pastures. I hope that this kills IPL and T20 as a whole. They are the reason the series is as it is. If England don’t win now it will be a tragedy.” WICKET! Raina 0 lbw Swann (80th over: India 266-6) England are amongst them now – and if they bat again I suspect it won’t have to be for long. Raina is a little unlucky, as there was an inside edge fractionally before contact with the pad, but he’s the latest India batsman to be DRSed, heading off for a 42-ball pair (having loitered for 29 deliveries without scoring in the first innings). Swann has his man again. Are you smiling, Sanjeev Sinha? 80th over: India 266-6 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Dhoni 2, Gambhir 0) Swann nearly snaffles up Gambhir in the same over, the ball looping up off bat and pad but falling safely. Rob has dug out that that pair is the fourth-longest in Test history , just seven balls behind Mike Whitney in 1981. 81st over: India 266-6 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Dhoni 2, Gambhir 0) Dhoni faces out a maiden from Anderson. More on that Raina lbw: as well as featuring an edge, the ball would have bounced over the stumps, according to Hawk-Eye. But such is the change brought about to umpiring for lbw appeals off spinners by the DRS system, that it is perhaps now more of a handicap for batsmen not to be able to ask for a review. Umpires are, by and large, far comfortable with raising the finger. “In response to David Espley, in line with the new ‘dominant’ England team, surely we should all change our attitude as supporters to become suitably focused on success?,” says Piers Barclay. “When (/if) Tendulkar gets there, we can all applaud his achievement, but there’s no need to will him to succeed against us and stop us whitewashing the World’s No 1 Team. Records/ landmarks are nothing if not properly earned.” 82nd over: India 268-6 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Dhoni 2, Gambhir 2) Strauss decides that it is time for pace at both ends to the new pairing, putting Swann’s five-for on ice for now. Broad returns and Gambhir gets off the mark with a squirt away off the edge of the bat. India still trail by 23. Peter Norton, along with plenty of you out there, has Tendulkar’s near miss on his mind: “My own feelings are that if he had got a ton it would have pulled attention away from Dravid’s magnificent tour. He can get his hundred another time.” With these measured opinions, you are spoiling the OBO, Peter. Where’s the incandescent, irrational rage, eh? 83rd over: India 269-6 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Dhoni 3, Gambhir 2) Dhoni flips Anderson away for a single but, after facing 17 balls, he has yet to try and get busy with the fizzy. England probably wouldn’t mind if he had a dash, at this stage. That’ll be drinks and here is George Humphreys: “Given that England are now undoubtedly the best-looking team in the world (especially since Thundercat Tremlett made it back into the squad) do you think it is a shame that what looks to be a decomposing Chris Schofield is on as the 12th man?” All England players are Beautiful People right now, George. WICKET! Dhoni 3 c Swann b Broad (84th over: India 269-7) Dhoni has a slash at Broad, who picks up his 24th wicket of what has been a frighteningly good series for him. It’s almost as if he’s worked out bowling full and quick is a good way to take wickets. WICKET! RP Singh 0 c Prior b Broad (84th over: India 269-8) Make that 25 wickets for Broad, who’s rediscovered his Golden Bowls. Stuck on the back foot, the new batsman RP Singh could only edge his third ball through to the keeper and India have now lost five for seven in eight overs. 84th over: India 269-8 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Gambhir 2, Sharma 0) Ishant Sharma is Rizla’s width away from edging his first ball through to Prior – that’s a double wicket maiden. “‘You can all go home … Now you really all can go home!” Why? (quite apart from the fact that many of us are following from home anyway). Surely most of us are England supporters and want to see England win! So why on earth would any England supporter lose interest when Mishra and Tendulkar were out?” Well, John Bottomley, the first was a joke about a player missing his milestone and the second was an unexpected mirroring – but, yeah, you’re right. Go England, whoo. 85th over: India 269-8 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Gambhir 2, Sharma 0) Gambhir is in barnacle mode – possibly just because he doesn’t fancy running – and he wears an Anderson bouncer on the grille of his helmet, via a top edge. That’s a another maiden. “Ok, sooo, I see the stats, I appreciate the achievements, one can probably affix the over-used epithet “great” to his name, but there is something about Sachin the batsman that leaves me a little cold when compared to, say, Brian Charles Lara. I think it’s to do with Lara doing it in a far worse team, in all conditions, and the frisson of excitement when he batted that I never have with Tendulkar. Just watch that majestic 153 then tell me I’m wrong.” Charlie Wilson doesn’t think that followers of India have suffered enough in this series. You want someone to burn an effigy of you, don’t you, Chuck? 86th over: India 274-8 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Gambhir 2, Sharma 5) Sharma deflects a four off the face of the bat down the the third man boundary. The big question now is: can India reach 300 for the second time in the series? That would really boost morale. REVIEW! Sharma 5 c Bell b Swann (87th over: India 274-8) Rod Tucker gives it out but Sharma asks for the review. He looked a bit uncertain about what the whoey was going on, did Sharma, but replays show he didn’t get any bat on the ball as he pushed forward. The ball beat the defensive shot, cannoning off the pad to the fielder at silly point and there were two noises – but it seems the second was from the toe of the bat hitting the ground, so the decision is overturned . 87th over: India 274-8 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Gambhir 2, Sharma 5) Swann had pretty much everyone around the bat in that over, having been brought back on to try and wrap this one up, and he also had a decent lbw shout turned down. The groundsmen are readying the tins of whitewash … 88th over: India 275-8 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Gambhir 3, Sharma 5) Gambhir hangs in there against the short ball before getting off strike with a single. Sharma edges low into the slip cordon, then plays and misses. Still there though. Suresh Raina, take note. “Interesting question for me behind opinions over Tendulkar’s dismissal is the question of is there room for sentimentality in succeeding at the highest sporting level,” wonders Mark Newitt. “If so, at what point would it be right to allow Tendulkar to get his 100? Should the same apply for other – eg the field be spread rather than forcing Cook into an aggressive stroke to try and reach his 300? I remember reading recently an article (linked from the OBO) that suggested Flintoff was never quite the same after the picture of him and Lee and the desire to be seen as ‘sporting’ removed the competitive edge.” WICKET! Gambhir 3 c Morgan b Swann (88th over: India 275-9) Swann has his five-for and he stands to soak up the applause, arms wide, mouthing his lips like a guppy. “Ooooh yeah”, he seems to be saying. India are being unceremoniously bundled out here, having gutsed their way through the morning session. 89th over: India 277-9 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Sharma 5, Sreesanth 2) Sreesanth hurls his bat at Swann, snicking in approximately the opposite direction and picking up two runs. The guardian’s Kevin Mitchell has just sent in this dispatch: “In taxi going to Cincinnati airport with Leander Paes, who won doubles title yesterday. Gutted for Tendulkar.” 90th over: India 279-9 (trailed by 291 on first innings; Sharma 7, Sreesanth 2) Some good news: Apparently the Mace of Power will be presented to England, as the world’s new No1 Test team, today. Go England, whoo. Broad doesn’t quite get his line right to Sharma. All he and Sreesanth need to do now is stick around for another 35 overs, or so. “I can’t believe the Test summer is coming to an end. What am I supposed to do in work now that the OBO can no longer keep me occupied?” Um, work, Stu Brookes? It’s what the rest of us you have to do. WICKET! Sreesanth 6 b Swann (91st over: India 283 all out) ENGLAND WIN BY AN INNINGS AND EIGHT RUNS That’s it, Sreesanth continues to practice his golf swing and finally plays on! England have again won by an innings and they complete a first proper series whitewash since 2004, when they crushed West Indies 4-0 – though this has been an infinitely more impressive victory, the contenders knocking the champ spark out. Tearing out Tendulkar tore the heart out of India and, having completed a session without losing a wicket for the first time in the series, they folded in a heap in the afternoon, losing seven wickets for 21 runs. That, in many ways, sums up their series. Defeat means India will end the day as third in the rankings, to go with their sore heard. Forget 4-0, forget 100 100s, though – England are No1. I’m not quite sure what’s happening with the presentations , so I guess I’ll wrap this up. Rest assured, there’ll be a bumper crop of musings from Vic and co. up on the site soon. I’ll leave you with Alex Book: “So Strauss is going to receive the Mace today? I can only assume he will be asked to repose regally on the Throne of Domination, wearing the bejewelled Crown of Heroism? Given that this is England, will the whole effort be offset slightly by the forced donning of the ceremonial red velvet Cape of Incredulity? Either way, there can be few England captains since Jardine better suited to the role of King of All Cricket than Strauss. He was born for this moment.” Keep it regal, people. Thanks for all your emails, cheerio! India in England 2011 England cricket team India cricket team Cricket Over by over reports Rob Smyth Alan Gardner guardian.co.uk

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