Ed Miliband nose operation satisfies surgeons and Labour spin doctors

Opposition leader undergoes hour-long NHS procedure for respiratory condition – but has it improved his voice? An expectant cluster of doctors, of both the medical and spinning variety, gathered around a bedside in Grays Inn Road, London, to await an event that could determine the outcome of the next general election. It was Ed nose day at the Royal National Throat, Nose and Ear hospital. Ed Miliband had been asleep for an hour, recovering from an operation his team ludicrously continued to insist was solely about tackling a deviated septum in his nose, so making it easier for him to sleep, and possibly for his wife Justine to be spared the odd snore. The Labour leader’s spin doctors continued to blather on about how obstructive sleep apnoea is a respiratory condition, leading the throat to repeatedly narrow or close during sleep. This meant air did not get into Miliband’s lungs properly, so waking him in the middle of night, leaving him with nothing to do but think about the future of European social democracy – a subject that would make most people lapse back comatosed, but has an enlivening effect on a Milimind. But everyone knew that all this medical detail was spin doctor obfuscation. In reality, the hour-long operation was a giant gamble. No one knew whether when he awoke the sound of Miliband’s voice would be transformed. Would the new Bold Ed of recent weeks, willing to tear down the Murdoch empire, be given a voice to match – a lustrous blend of Laurence Olivier, Barry White and Kathleen Turner? Or would it resemble a squeaky chainsaw liable to make voters run screaming from the room? As research has shown the sound of a voice is worth more votes to politicians than the content of their speeches, the operation was no trivial matter. Many British politicians, including George Osborne and Lady Thatcher, have undergone coaching to deepen the timbre. However, Labour voters hoping that the operation would have some magical oratorical impact have been disappointed. Those who have spoken to Miliband (no audio is yet available) say he sounds the same. “It did not change his voice, and nor was it intended to,” said his office. He will now spend some “slow time” in his north London home before heading off on holiday to Devon with his family. With his poll ratings well out of the emergency ward, he will be able to sleep easier before the haul towards his autumn party conference speech, an event that makes the most equable personality wake in the small hours in a cold sweat. Ed Miliband Patrick Wintour guardian.co.uk

Posted by on July 27, 2011. Filed under News, Politics, World News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.