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• Hit F5 or the auto-refresh button for the latest updates • Email rob.smyth@guardian.co.uk with your wit and whimsy Half-time email “Think that little cameo before halftime sums up the shortcomings of Michael Carrick: 1664 minutes of league action this season, and apparently that is his first booking,” says Paul Keane. “I’m not advocating Scholes type ‘tackles’, but he should be sailing close enough to the wind that he picks up the occasional yellow…,,and his record is not because he is such a brilliant tackler. It explains why United get dominated in middle of the park when relying on him, and why he is (and only ever will be) what is commonly referred to as a “luxury player”. Well, 1664 is a neat number, as he could do with some Dutch courage, or any type of courage. That said, and while I know what you mean, I don’t think it’s fair to criticise him for lack of bookings. He reads the game pretty well, and nobody criticises, say, Rio Ferdinand for the fact he is so rarely booked. His greatest problem is his relatively newfound lack of moral courage with the ball, in my always humble one. Talking of an underrated XI of the season , this is a great link from Gary Naylor . Chris Brunt can go in too. So: Baines, Brunt, Tiote, Vaughan, Campbell. Perhaps Albrighton and Kuyt. Anyone else? Half time: Newcastle United 0-0 Manchester United … and it was a fitting end to a breakneck half that was full of incident. It could easily be 2-2; as it is, a level scoreline is just about fair. See you in 10 minutes for the second half. 45+2 min An excellent Manchester United counter-attack ends with Giggs’s smart, angled pass and a shot from Hernandez that is blocked by Coloccini. That’s the last touch of the half… 45+1 min Michael Carrick, who has had better weeks, is booked for a foul on Shola Ameobi just past the halfway line. I think it was accidental. 44 min A great chance for Lovenkrands. Barton, again in a deep position on the right, spanks over a superb curling cross that beats the two Manchester United centre backs and finds Lovenkrands 12 yards from goal. He picks the right option, trying to head it back across goal and into the boot corner, but makes a mess of it and it goes wide. That was such a good cross from Barton, reminiscent of David Beckham in his pomp. 42 min Coloccini strides across to make a vital interception from Hernandez, who was moving through on goal after a cute pass from Giggs. 42 min “Keep the updates coming as it’s keeping me sane from a nagging wife,” says Paul, who will be served any minute now, and not necessarily with his dinner. “I need the sympathy and a Newcastle goal.” 41 min Smalling is penalised for putting his hands on Ameobi (I think), 20 yards from goal and fractionally infield from the left side of the box. Barton shapes a curler towards the far post, and Van der Sar makes a comfortable tumbling save. 40 min “Have you any idea how annoying it is when you refer to just ‘United’?” says Raymond King. “It is also extremely insulting to Newcastle and all the other Uniteds such as Leeds, West Ham, Sheffield etc.” It’s force of habit; sorry. I’ll do my best not to engage your wick any more. 39 min It’s all Manchester United now, and Nani’s 20-yard shot is well blocked. 37 min “Let’s jump to an assumption,” says Ben Hendy. “If United win the title, will this be Fergie’s worst title-winning team, or will they just be a team that really knew how to pace a season? They seemed to stroll and luck their way through many of their early games but since the wake up call of that run of defeats they’ve looked bright and fresh (Saturday aside) and looked especially good and in control against Chelsea.” The worst, and by a distance, with 1996-97 second. In my always humble opinion. 35 min This is Manchester United’s best spell in terms of sustained possession, and Giggs eventually wins a corner off his former team-mate Simpson. It’s a poor corner from Giggs – how many times has that been typed or spoken in the last 20 years – and easily cleared. 33 min Hernandez towers above Simpson to head O’Shea’s cross towards goal, but he couldn’t generate enough power and it was a comfortable save for Krul. Still, Hernandez looks extremely sharp in what remains a very open game. 32 min “Gravity beats Nani again,” says Niall Mullen. “Stupid Isaac Newton.” 31 min “In the week of the PFA awards, any nominations for underrated team of the season?” says Niall Murphy. “Tiote in midfield certainly. DJ Campbell up front?” Yep, wouldn’t argue with those. I haven’t seen much of Blackpool, but when I have Vaughan has been really good. I really like Albrighton, too, although I don’t suppose he’s underrated. Dirk Kuyt? Is he underrated any more? 30 min Another long cross from the excellent Barton goes all the way across the box to Gutierrez, who takes a touch and then thrashes into the side netting at the near post from a tightish angle. 29 min Nani dives in the penalty area after a nothing challenge from Gutierrez. Utterly pathetic, and he should have been booked. 28 min Nani shanks a loose ball over the bar from the right side of the box. He has been terrible so far. 27 min “Is Gutierrez always this good or is it just because O’Shea’s trying to mark him?” asks David Naylor. “He looks to be quite a player on this evidence.” So did 97-year-old Beryl Nosiadek when she came up against O’Shea the other week. 25 min Manchester United are being bullied in midfield. Anderson, one of the few in that area who is usually up for a scrap, has been pretty anonymous. It’s been excellent stuff from Newcastle, though. 24 min Manchester United have settled into the game after that very difficult start, yet they still look extremely fragile at the back. Giggs pulls Gutierrez over 25 yards from goal, pretty central, and Barton clips it straight at Van der Sar. 21 min Gutierrez is giving O’Shea major problems – it’s almost as if they’ve targeted the wheezing lummox – and wins another corner. It comes to nothing. 19 min Rooney misses a great chance. Hernandez fought for a loose ball with Coloccini and helped it towards Rooney, who skipped past the last man Williamson and then, from around 12 yards and to the left of centre, tried to sweep a right-footed shot high into the net. It looked like he had skied it, especially when a goal kick was given, although replays showed it hit the body of the keeper Krul. Still, Rooney should have scored. 18 min Hernandez forces a rudimentary save from Krul with a decent effort from a tight angle on the right side of the box. He looks very sharp. 17 min Hernandez tries to guide a curler into the top-right corner from 25 yards, but he sets it a fraction too wide and it doesn’t come back enough. 16 min A good move from Newcastle ends with Gutierrez winning a corner on the left. Barton drills it to the far post and Vidic heads clear, but the ball comes straight back at United and this time Barton’s deep cross from the left is headed wide by Ameobi. Newcastle had two against one then – Ameobi and Williamson on Vidic – but they got in each other’s way. 15 min Carrick, trying to redeem that shocker on Saturday, moves smoothly away from Tiote 25 yards out but then drags a weak shot across goal and wide. 13 min The keen to Newcastle’s early dominance – they have had 70 per cent of the possession – has been their energy without the ball. It’s almost as if they tried to lull United into a false sense of security by sitting them off for the first two minutes, but after that they bombed them for an exhilarating ten-minute spell. 11 min United win their first corner; it’s taken by Giggs and comes to nothing. 9 min Apparently the auto-refresh button isn’t working. No idea why, as it’s set up in the article. Sorry about that. 8 min Newcastle win back-to-back corners. The second is eventually cleared to Tiote, who hits a vicious daisy-cutter from 25 yards that Van der Sar saves comfortably. It was a lovely strike, though, and this has been a fantastic start from Newcastle. They are all over United, pressuring them high up the pitch. 6 min This is a great spell for Newcastle. Barton drives over an excellent, angled cross from a narrow position on the right. It clears everyone except Ameobi, who stretches out his right foot to turn it towards goal from the corner of the six-yard box. He couldn’t control the shot, however, and it was straight at Van der Sar. 5 min A fine run infield from Gutierrez, aided by some feeble defending from Nani, O’Shea and finally Carrick, ends with a curling shot from the edge of the box that is well blocked by Smalling at the expense of the corner. 4 min Barton gets too clever for his own good. Gutierrez’s cross from the left was only half cleared by the head of Smalling and came to Barton, beyond the far post and in a bit of space. He took a touch but then, instead of smacking the ball towards goal, tried a cute cut back that was cleared. 2 min A vital save from Tim Krul. It was devastating, penetrative play from United. Evra clipped a long pass down the left to Rooney, who had curved his run to stay onside, and he sidefooted a beautiful ball across the face of goal for Hernandez. He met the ball only four yards from goal and tried to sidefoot it wide of Krul, who spread himself bravely to smother the chance. Superb goalkeeping. 1 min United (Manchester), in red, kick off from left to right. Sam Allardyce is the co-commentator. Is this a first? “I did the math,” says Ric Arthur. “Arsenal are two points ahead of Chelsea with six games to play each. If United lose today and Arsenal win their remaining games, they will probably be champions. So it’s not the math, is it? You are factoring in some choke factor here, such as that Chelsea could beat Man U, but Arsenal couldn’t.” Not so much that as the fact that Arsenal are in miserable form and have a much tougher run-in than Chelsea. Which is not to say that they will finish below Chelsea, simply that it looks more likely than not at this stage. There is potential for a repeat of 2007-08, when Arsenal were United’s main challengers for nine-tenths of the season before being overtaken by Chelsea at the death. Team news Wayne Rooney returns after serving a two-match ban for inciting the most laughable moral panic since someone at the Daily Mail heard the lyrics to Pulp’s Sorted for E’s & Wizz. Professional scapegoat Dimitar Berbatov is not even on the bench, although he is with the squad. For Newcastle, the excellent Cheick Tiote also returns from suspension. Newcastle United (4-4-2) Krul; Simpson, Coloccini, Williamson, Enrique; Barton, Guthrie, Tiote, Gutierrez; Ameobi, Lovenkrands. Subs: Soderberg, Perch, Ryan Taylor, Ireland, Steven Taylor, Ranger, Kuqi. Manchester United (4-2-3-1) Van der Sar; O’Shea, Smalling, Vidic, Evra; Carrick, Anderson; Nani, Rooney, Giggs; Hernandez. Subs: Kuszczak, Owen, Park, Fabio, Evans, Valencia, Gibson. Referee Lee Probert (Wiltshire) You do the math(s) United need 13 points from their last six games to be certain of the title, and 11 to finish above Chelsea, who appear to be their main challengers. Preamble Newcastle United v Manchester United may not be one of the classical fixtures of English football, but it has frequently produced classic matches and moments, from Philippe Albert’s chip to arguably the greatest team performance of the Premier League era . There were eight goals that day and, as much as anything, this fixture has been a serial netbotherer: there have been 519 goals in 152 matches between this sides, a startling level of productivity that has actually – at St James’ Park at least – increased in modern times. There have been 56 goals in 16 Premier League games on this ground; over the last decade, we’ve seen 37 in eight matches. Worth knowing, then, that you can get odds of 10-1 on a 0-0 draw. You can get even longer odds on Arsenal or Chelsea denying United (Manchester) a record 19th title. Those odds might be a little generous but, while the big-boned lady has no business clearing her throat just yet, United will probably have to pay tribute Sir Alex Ferguson’s beloved Devon Loch if they are to lose the title. Since three points for a win was introduced in 1981, no side has failed to win the title having had such a lead with six games to play. The closest case was Blackburn in 1994-95. They led by eight points at this stage and, although they almost did do a Devon Loch – they lost three of their last five games and would have lost a fourth but one of the all-time-great goalkeeping performances from Tim Flowers – they crept over the line because United (Manchester) failed to win at West Ham on the final day. In the end, Blackburn’s remorseless excellence for six-sevenths of that season meant that they had enough points in the bank, just about. United may well have enough in the bank to allow for a late-season blip, especially with Arsenal giving haemorrhaging points in the comedy style, but they won’t want to take the risk. That’s a ludicrous statement of the obvious really; I don’t know why I typed it. Football-team-wants-to-win-games shocker. Duh. Pulitzer please! Premier League Newcastle United Manchester United Rob Smyth guardian.co.uk