Follow all the goals in the key games around the country

• Email rob.smyth@guardian.co.uk with your thoughts • Check out all the latest scores here • And all the latest – live – league tables are here •  Pre order Rob’s book if you so desire 3.06pm “Warning to readers,” says Michael Cosgrove. “Do NOT watch the Swans video. I’ve had that depressing dirge stuck in my head for the last hour. Am now making a noose.” Hang on, that D-word is unfair. You can call it dirge, sure, but no way is it depressing. 3.05pm: WEST BROM 0-1 ASTON VILLA (Meite own goal 4) A farcical own goal gives Villa the lead at the Hawthorns. Stewart Downing crossed from the right of the box and Abdoulaye Meite, in trying to clear, sliced it hopelessly into the far corner. Real slapstick nonsense, the sort that would have Denis Norden chortling like there’s no tomorrow. 2.59pm “Four of the bottom five have very winnable games this weekend,” says S Dickens. “If I were a West Ham fan I’d be thinking that our failure might well be all but confirmed this weekend. Being a Toon fan am thinking picking up Scott Parker, Carlton Cole and Matthew Upson on the cheap.” Why on earth would anyone want to buy Can’t Control? (Also, although those four games are winnable, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if none of them were actually won.) 2.52pm “You said that Wigan v. Everton has the most riding on it,” says Phil Walsh. “That’s obviously true for Wigan fans, but what about us Evertonians? Another season and all that happens by the end of it is Cahill, Arteta, and Jagielka get older while Rodwell and Coleman play well enough to attract the attention of bigger clubs. Everton can now not hope of qualifying for the Champions League. Hell, we can’t even get into the Europa League anymore. At least fans of clubs bad enough to seriously risk being relegated have something to look forward to. The inevitable ‘Survival Saturday/Sunday’ weekend coming up would interest me a lot of a lot more if I was even slightly emotionally invested in it.” Yep. It’s ridiculous really. David Moyes has to work exceptionally well every season merely to maintain a slightly tedious status quo. I have a lot of sympathy for him as he is clearly an outstanding manager. In many ways, Everton are the greatest example of what an indefensible disgrace the Premier League has become. Whatever happens in the football , this is the best thing you’ll see today. If Kojak had been a footballer he’d have been Obdulio Varela, and praise doesn’t come much higher round these parts. 2.46pm “Any idea why Clint Dempsey isn’t available today?” asks Levi Harris. “I seem to have made a fantasy football faux pas.” I think his wish has come true . “Which game to watch?” says Jonny Mac. “I have the choice of three live games, ‘…all in glorious HD’: Wigan v Everton, Sunderland v Fulham and West Brom v Villa. Which should I go for? Quite fancy the Midlands derby but is that the right choice. What to do?” Do you have a Kojak boxset? If so, I’d get that on. (But if you insist on watching some football, I would go for Wigan v Everton. It has the most riding on it.) Wigan v Everton team news Wigan Al Habsi, Boyce, Gary Caldwell, Alcaraz, Figueroa, Diame, Watson, N’Zogbia, McCarthy, Cleverley, Rodallega. Subs: Kirkland, Gohouri, Di Santo, Moses, Gomez, McArthur, Sammon. Everton Howard, Hibbert, Jagielka, Distin, Baines, Osman, Neville, Rodwell, Arteta, Cahill, Anichebe. Subs: Mucha, Bilyaletdinov, Beckford, Gueye, Coleman, Vellios, Duffy. Referee Lee Mason (Lancashire) West Brom v Aston Villa team news West Brom Carson, Jara, Meite, Olsson, Shorey, Vela, Scharner, Mulumbu, Morrison, Cox, Odemwingie. Subs: Myhill, Tchoyi, Pablo, Miller, Hurst, Fortune, Tamas. Aston Villa Friedel, Walker, Collins, Dunne, Luke Young, Ashley Young, Reo-Coker, Petrov, Downing, Agbonlahor, Bent. Subs: Marshall, Pires, Albrighton, Bradley, Delph, Clark, Cuellar. Referee Phil Dowd (Staffordshire) Sunderland v Fulham team news Sunderland Mignolet; Elmohamady, Turner, Onuoha, Bardsley; Henderson, Cattermole, Colback, Muntari, Malbranque, Sessegnon. Subs: Carson, Mensah, Zenden, Riveros, Ferdinand, Adams, Lynch. Fulham Schwarzer, Salcido, Senderos, Hughes, Baird, Kakuta, Murphy, Sidwell, Davies, Zamora, Gudjohnsen. Subs: Stockdale, Kelly, Johnson, Etuhu, Greening, Dembele, Hoesen. Referee Martin Atkinson (W Yorkshire) Blackburn v Bolton team news Blackburn Robinson; Salgado, Samba, Phil Jones, Givet, Emerton, Nzonzi, Jermaine Jones, Olsson, Roberts, Benjani. Subs: Bunn, Kalinic, Pedersen, Santa Cruz, Rochina, Hanley, Diouf. Bolton Bogdan, Cahill, Wheater, Knight, Robinson, Moreno, Cohen, Gardner, Taylor, Elmander, Kevin Davies. Subs: Jaaskelainen, Muamba, Petrov, Klasnic, Blake, Alonso, Lee. Referee Mike Dean (Wirral) Blackpool v Stoke team news Blackpool (4-3-3) Gilks; Eardley, Evatt, Baptiste, Crainey; Southern, Adam, Vaughan; Taylor-Fletcher, Campbell, Phillips. Subs: Kingson, Ormerod, Varney, Cathcart, Kornilenko, Puncheon, Reid. Stoke (4-4-2) Begovic; Wilkinson, Huth, Shawcross, Wilson; Pennant, Whitehead, Whelan, Delap; Walters, Jones. Subs: Sorensen, Collins, Pugh, Diao, Carew, Faye, Shotton. Referee Mark Clattenburg (Tyne & Wear) Thanks to Bogota Bandit , of the Red Issue Sanctuary, for pointing out this arfgasmic video. Random football video department This man was in his sixties when he did this. Good cause department My colleague Steph Fincham will be cycling across Sri Lanka next February to raise funds for the Mines Advisory Group. You don’t really need me to tell you how worthy a cause it is, and you can sponsor Steph here if you wish . As today’s theme is failure , there is only one appropriate soundtrack. Preamble Hello. Today’s clockwatch is all about failure, and the attempted avoidance thereof – if, indeed, failure is how relegation should be defined in a competition so inherently unfair that only a chosen few a realistic chance of success. But that’s how the Premier League is these days, and each of today’s five 3pm fixtures involve at least one side who could still go down this season. That, admittedly, is highly unlikely in the case of Sunderland v Fulham and West Brom v Aston Villa. All four sides have reached the magic 40-point mark, and only one side has been relegated since 1998 after reaching that total: West Ham in 2002-03. The other three fixtures, however, are of huge importance. Blackburn, Blackpool and Wigan, the teams who lie 16th, 17th and 18th, have tricky but winnable home games against sides who sit between seventh and 10th and have little to play for except pride, and we all know that’s overrated. We’ll also be keeping an eye of the Football League, particularly Vicarage Road (any excuse to talk about Watford, eh), where QPR’s promotion to the Premier League will be confirmed if they avoid defeat. These are the Premier League fixtures, with predictions on which you are strongly advised not to stake your mortgage, or your last Rolo: Blackburn 1-1 Bolton Blackpool 0-2 Stoke Sunderland 1-1 Fulham West Brom 2-0 Aston Villa Wigan 1-3 Everton And here’s the Premier League table , which will update throughout the afternoon as the goals go in and the speculative shots go for throw-ins. Premier League Rob Smyth guardian.co.uk

Posted by on April 30, 2011. Filed under News, Politics, World News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.