I’m 80. How do I find a male friend?

There are many ways of discreetly finding like-minded partners, says Pamela Stephenson Connolly I am 80-plus and have recently become a widower. Is there anywhere I can find a male friend (say 60ish)? I could not make any local inquiries as I am a highly respected person. When my wife was very ill she told me that she would be happy if I had the luck to find a man, because I was gay in my teenage years and she thought I would like to renew that experience. I feel the deep desire to satisfy my emotions. My late wife understood because she was a lesbian from the age of 12 until we met. How touching that your late wife had such understanding and acceptance of your sexuality! Nowadays there generally tends to be more acceptance of gay, lesbian and bisexual people than there was when you were a teenager; however, I can certainly understand your desire for privacy. Internet dating sites and special “finder” phone apps such as Grindr now play a huge part in helping people contact like-minded partners. Consider joining an internet dating service. If this seems technically difficult, perhaps there’s someone (maybe at your local library) who could teach you the necessary skills – you don’t have to tell them why! Otherwise, consider placing an anonymous ad in a non-local newspaper. Set up a separate PO box or phone number (pre-paid mobile is best) for the replies. Do you have any gay friends at all? There’s an efficient mentoring system in the gay community, so once you feel safe enough to explain your situation you will probably find someone to introduce you around. Good luck! • Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. • Send your problem to private.lives@guardian.co.uk Sex Relationships Pamela Stephenson Connolly guardian.co.uk

Posted by on March 17, 2011. Filed under News, Politics, World News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.